CoachEideHi All,
Thanks for following my blog, it is a honor to be writing to you all.
In this week, we will be talking about the 2 lasts weeks things, but we will move them up a notch. It is important to remember week 5 set boundaries and week 6 we talked about a model for communication. These two weeks are now going to be used to give notice to people.
In your life, you may have things that are making you feel terrible. Is it something someone has said to you a long time ago or yesterday? It does not matter. If there are things people have said to you, ring them up, and in a clear and formal way, tell them what happened and let them know how you reacted to it. This is not being nitpicking or too sensitive, if you still carry anger from a situation, call the person up, and let them know. As we stated in week 6, it is important to use a neutral voice, and leave now smart comments in the statement. This last part is very important, because it can hurt the other person, and the situation can escalate.
In my life I have made one such statement to my mother. We still do not talk and it is closing up to 4 years now. This Christmas it will be four years since we talked. The statement I made was that I was not willing to help her do the bookkeeping for 2016, this has its reasons, but I will not rip up in them. I simply do not want to apologize for it, unless she apologies first for the way she did it.
In 2016 at Christmas I sat alone, my partner, had flown to Hong Kong, and there was a lot of problems there, that I had to fix. In addition, my daughter in New Zealand, had a hard time in Wellington, and I had just had a call from her before my mum sent a text, this after not sending me a single text wishing me merry Christmas or a call for Christmas. The text stated that I had to help her with the books for 2016, because she could not do it. Wow. She is the bookkeeper and she cannot do the books for 2016? Why? I do still to this day do not understand why she could not do this herself, and I may never find out, because since this text she has not wanted to talk to me at all. So I cannot understand what happened.
It still hurts, but in this situation, I cannot help. I cannot get hold of her, since she do not want to respond to the numerous text messages I have sent her. Until she respond I cannot have any hope of understanding what happened that Christmas. Why no merry Christmas text messages or calls had happened.
I was dealing with a lot of problems myself, I did not need another problem on top of the problems I had to deal with that Christmas. So I have tried to send a message to her last year, only because my partner and my daughter both pushed me to send a message. Again, there was no reply, and still I have had not reply on that message. So she is still angry, I guess.
Now, I hope you do not have to deal with such situations in your life. If you have to, be strong and learn one thing. If people shall treat you so bad, it is better to live without them in your life. Stay strong, live your life, and do not ask for them to forgive you, stay strong, move on, and forget them, even if it is your mother or your brother. Your life is better without them.
I have stated my boundaries, I cannot live with people that repeatedly break them. It is no fun to not be able to speak with your mother or your brother, but if that is the way they are going to treat you. Move on, break the bond, and find friends that will respect you and that will treat you respectfully. Like I have done. Some of those friends are my religious friends, some of those friends are friends that I have met, ones that do respect my and my boundaries. Some of my friends I have met thru a course, a course called Master Key Experience, and they are really great people. They are in line with what we speak about and are the kind of people that want to succeed in life. So they are great friends in all that I do.
It is wonderful to see that there are people out there that want to respect you for who you are, and that there are people in the world, that are like me. They want to go somewhere, be something. I hope you will also get into this. If you want to get into the best course there is, Master Key Experience, then enrol for my newsletter, on the left side of the page if you are on the website and near the bottom of the page if you are on the mobil.
It is a scholarship, so it is already paid for you. You have to invest US$1 to get in, and then there is a course that will change your life. I now see how stupid I was to get upset and sad for losing my mother and brother for my reply to that text message, but I am standing up for what I mean is correct and I will not bend my boundaries, I am sorry that my mum chose to close the door to her child, but I cannot help that that is her reaction. It does not, because of Master Key Experience, not hurt me anymore at all. I am growing up, and I am a more respected and adult citizen of this world than I have ever been before.
I have another example that happen just the other day. I have had a problem with one on the social club that I attend. She cannot get my name right. She keeps calling me the wrong name. I told her so many times that my name is John. And she cannot say it or something. In the end, after following the communication model, I told her, and she took offense to me telling her, so I have cut her out of my life. In fact. I thinking of cutting that social club out of my life, because there are too many people making very bad behaviour there. They are not treating each other with respect, and there is a lot of the members treating others by making reputation behind their backs. They are excluding you from their groups etc. Yes, this social club is not behaving like my boundaries tell me that one should behave, and therefore I am about to decide on whether I shall go there or not, and if I decide it is best to stay away, I lose a few friends, but I will gain space to gain other friends, friends that behave properly, and within my boundaries.
This my friends, I have experienced so many times. Losing friends feels hard just when you do it, but after a while, you feel stronger and happier, with new friends that do care about you, and that do care for your boundaries.
One thing that is important in setting and keeping your boundaries, is that you are consistent. You will also meet new friends when you let go of someone. It is like this. You give up something, this creates space to do something else, and this time, makes you able to meet other people in your life. It is funny to see how this works, but it certainly works, over and over again in life.
So, my advice to you is, if you have friends that keeps breaking your boundaries, and do not respect it when you tell them to keep them, leave them. There is something or someone better for you out there. They will respect you and they will follow and respect your boundaries. It is a worldly problem, and if the person you are with today do not follow your boundaries, give them 3 chances, and if it is no help, it is out. Just like in Baseball. 3 strikes and you are out.
Have a lovely day, build your confidence, and stay within your boundaries and with friends that stay within your boundaries, and you will be happier.
Have a great weekend, and share this post with your friends please.
Greetings
John Eide
Life Coach
