Week 13, Help Yourself:

Next after uncluttering properly, is the next step simplifying your life. What should this mean? Today, I did a simplifying move. I have to be going out of my apartment for a while, therefore it was a matter of having to ask friends to help. I had friends that could help, but I did it simpler for everyone. Nobody need to help me, and I do not need to rely on someone else.

This is a great way of simplifying your life. What did I do? I went and delivered all the fish I had in my aquarium to the fish shop. This way, I can help the fish survive the best way possible. I can relax and know that I do not kill the fish. I do not have to rely on anyone to help me, and the one that would have helped me, are relieved from having to help me.

In fact, I am sure the person that want to help me, would be pleased to be able to help. However, why should I bother him and his life. In other words, make his life less simple. It would not take a lot of time doing it, however, it might be a thing that would make him think that there was something to do. This is making your mind cluttered.

It is not nice to clutter somebody elses mind. Neither is it good to clutter your mind. As we have worked on the two previous weeks. It is much better to simplify all our lives. And that is what I have done by doing what I did. In addition, the fish shop is happy to receive a few fish, that they can sell and earn a few extra dollars on. This is not the main issue.

The main issue is, everybody is doing what they already are doing, and nobody is cluttering their brains. The fish lives, just the thought of killing the fish was horrifying. The fish get to go to the shop, be sold, and get to be enjoyed by others, and enjoy another world than what they would have got here. It would have been very boring, due to me not being able to work the aquarium the way I would want to do, to keep it a livly and happy aquarium, with lots of fish and great plants and variations in the way it looks inside, and with changing filters regularly.

On the other hand, there are 3 people (most likely 4+ people being better off), the shop keeper, their customer who buy the fish (could be a family), my friend helping me, and myself. Is it not great? We have simplified all our lifes. The customer, buy the fish they want. The shop keeper earn a few extra dollars, my friend have more spare time, and I do not have a bad conscience for not doing the best I can for the fish in my aquarium.

This is great way of simplifying my and others life. In addition, I have cancelled the TV, and I have cancelled the washing service as I will not be needing it for a few months. Talk about making life easier. In addition, I am making life easier in others ways too. I look forward to it.

Always, look for ways to simplify your life. Make life as simple as you can. Enjoy life, do the things you love to do. That is the way it should be. If you enjoy life, you are living life to the fullest, then, that is living the way it should be.

Have a great week, simply your life,

All the best,
John Eide
Life Coach

Week 12, Help Yourself

Hi All,

Thank you for reading my blog, and hopefully you may use my services in the future. You can book an initial session by clicking on the menu at the top of this page which says Book an Appointment.

Further I have a big invitation to give you this week. I have a great course that you can join, this is called Master Key Experience, it cost only US$1 to join, and all depends on what you and the other members choose is the basis for what the course will cost later on. But to start the course all you need to pay is US$1 and then you need to spend some time to fill in the application.

This course, The Master Key Experience, is the course I have taken the last year, and it is fantastic, it involves creating a better life for yourself, and to create a path for your life. I am so lucky, I have become a life time member of this course. I wish everyone in the world was on this course. What you learn, is to become a self-reliant thinker, and do as you want. This is the greatest course in the world. Here is the link again; The Master Key Experience. We will publish this link as often as we can between now and the start of the course September 27th, 2020.

Now we are to go back to what we normally write about. We are going to look at the point we are looking at today. We looked last time about thinking about getting rid of the things we do not need. Get rid of it, but we need to look at this a little bit deeper. Why? Because we normally do not do this well enough first time we are reminded about it.

So here we go again, we need to clean our house, our work place and all other spaces we utilize. Why? Because it gives us more energy. That is it, more energy for what, well, that is your choice. The fact that we get more energy from one place, does not mean that we need to use the energy in a specific area. The energy we gain from a clean home can be used in any area we want to. This is the advantage. We therefore can say it in this way:

A clean home, can create a smarter head

John Eide

It is in fact a truth not often looked at. We do not learn this at school, maybe it is not a positive thing to tell the young people, because they like messy rooms. However, it is important to be able to know that having a clean room gives room for more learning at school. This is an amazing fact, the fact that cleaning your room actually will make you smarter at what you use your energy on, and if you have extra energy, you can be that much smarter than the others depending on what the person actually use the energy on. So a person with lots of energy do not need to be smarter, it depends on what he use his energy on.

In fact, I can see that this is the reason why I was so lacking in energy when I was little. When I moved to Australia, I had to learn to clean my space, due to being married to a woman that did not like a messy room. This was a hard thing for me to accept, but love forced me to do as the woman asked me too. When I did, I noticed that I got more energy, I felt it on my body. This gave me a hope that I could go back to the University, when I moved to New Zealand I found out that it was easy to get in, and I could study my favorite subject too, and I went for it.

I got to study my favorite subject, Economics, and in the end, I even got to study it in a Bachelor of Commerce degree. Hurray.

All the best to you all, remember to get extra energy, and start the Master Key Experience for only US$1.

Hope to see you in the course, thank you all.

We meet all on September 27th, 2020, in the Master Key Experience.

All the best,
John Eide
Life Coach

Week 11, Help Yourself

Hi All,

Thank you for following me, and I want to congratulate you for helping yourself. We are now at a road block. These steps might be harder to take than the last 10 has, we are going to start with things that are a step up from what we have done until now.

The first step we are going to do in this new series, is getting more energy. We know from the basic studies I have done lately that the human soul is energy. We need energy to feel good. We need energy to create things. We need energy to feel better. In fact, energy is the reason we feel happy or sad. Based on this, it is incredible important to free energy to create a better life.

The natural question then is, how do we do this? The answer is very easy, incredibly easy. In fact it is so easy we will normally not believe it. Shall we keep you waiting any longer? No I think so.

To create more energy, it is important to have a clean house, a house where you live, or where you work. How is the place around you? Is it clean and easy to see? Is it messy? This question is not about your mum coming to clean up your room, like when I was little.

The fact is that mess in any place can steal your energy. It is incredible, but the mess in one place, spill over into your life in all other areas. I can imagine how my mum felt when her house was overfilling with plants.

To be convinced about this subject I did a little experiment in the weekend. I can only say that I am now convinced that this actually works. The experiment was to clean up the table in the living room and the second seat in the sofa, in other words, the seat that I do not sit on myself.

I moved the papers, I cleaned the dishes and made space on the table. I also took the papers that I am reading all the time and the books that I have chapters I am reading in, I cleaned them up, sorted them. And to have a final say, I feel like I have more energy, I am more alert, in fact, I think I will keep going, clean up my act more, and keep things tidy. It is a need in our life. And one step we must do if we shall have the energy to do what we need to do.

Have a great week everyone
John Eide
Life Coach

Week 10, Help Yourself

We have looked at how to set your boundaries, we have looked at why this is important. We have also looked at making a list of things that annoy you, and removing them one by one. We have also looked at how to raise your standards and last week we took for us the fact that all things can be turned to be a good thing.

So, having done all this, it is great to be in this place. People do not do things you do not like to you and you do not do things that you do not like any longer either. This is a great place to be, and even things that you earlier would say was not so nice, are all now feeling great, because you have learned that all things are happening for something good. Can you imagine anything that is missing?

Yes, one thing. You need something to look forward to every day. What can it be? It can be anything you like. In fact, it better be something you like. Like for me, it is feeding the fish. It is really nice to feed the fish and see them enjoying the food. They are really great and entertaining to look at them when they get food.

Another thing that is great is my chess games. I get to play chess every day. I enjoy life, it is great to be able to sit and play chess every day. It is good to see the game evolve. It is wonderful to get the feeling that you get when you bring home the win, and the rating keep shooting in the roof. It is so wonderful to see the result of the chess games I play. We will see, at present the games are shooting to a new record level. I am so proud, I am now at 2237 at present. It makes me happy to see that the rating is above where it ever has been before.

Another thing to look forward to is to travel somewhere. In October I will travel if the Covid 19 allows me to fly. I am so happy to get the chance to travel. Can you imagine anything to look forward to more than flying? Especesially as I am a traveller? I love flying, I love travelling, I love driving, no matter what I do, I love travelling full stop.

In the past I have used things like making my kitchen look great or clean. I have used the fact that I could get out of bed. I could look forward to reading the book I should read. It does not matter what you think the thing to look forward to is. You can use whatever you like. Anything you can look forward too, and be excited about. Go for it.

Look forward to it, and feel the change of every day.

All the best all,
John Eide
Life Coach

Week 9, Help Yourself

Hi All,

Thank you for coming back, if you have read before, and thank you for coming to my site if you have not read before. I am thankful, and hope that you will read my blog and think about whether others could benefit from reading this blog. If you find my link via Facebook or Twitter, I want to ask that you share the link, it is important to me. If you get the link by email, share the link any way you can. In advance, a big thank you. I look forward to being of help for you or your friends.

Today’s subject, making something good of every situation.

In life, there are many situations that do not feel like a great experience. However, even though it feels like a bad experience, there are something good in every situation. In my life I have experienced this through many experiences.

There is something important here. It is not that everything is good that is the point here, it is the fact that even bad experiences have something good in them. It is important to remember this. I have been in situations where I did not see a light in the other end of the tunnel. In other words a situation where I thought about taken my own life. In this situation it is totally black. There is nothing great about life any longer, and I do not mean that it does just not feel bad, it really hurts to be alive. I have answers for you so if you have the need to talk about that, then go to the book an appointment or contact me privately through Twitter or Facebook. It is important that you do this quickly, and therefore do not book an appointment a few weeks away. Urgency is the key point when someone is in the black hole. I am here to help you see some light in the tunnel. If I can help, I will ask your permission before I call medical help.

So the fact that all situations are a win win situation, what are the outcomes? Many think it is a win or loose situation, but it is not, it is a win-win situation. You either success at doing something, or you learn something or how not to do something. I met my religion, I read one sentence that made me think that this was the correct place for me. It stated that the reason we are here on earth is to learn something. Coming from 3 suicide attempts throughout my life, I finally realized why we should be here even when we feel like it is hopeless. We are not finished learning the thing we were going to learn in this life, before we actually are ready to die.

Next in my life, I am putting myself into a situation where I might be looking at travelling a bit. In this situation, I am going to learn more than getting used to another language, I am going to learn to accept the people I meet along the way. I am going to learn to handle the way I am travelling, either bus, train or plane. It can be many upsetting things that can happen when we are learning to book the travel we are going to do. It can be many things that goes wrong. I have already tried to make one booking and I am glad we can have another go to book a trip. Otherwise I would not arrive where I was supposed too, and especially the day I was meant to arrive, it is fun to meet these challenges when one meet them with the right mindset. Look always for the seed in the situation.

Last week I had a sentence I read that fitted directly into this subject, ¨Always will I seek the seed of triumph in every adversity¨, this is a fantastic sentence. What is adversity? Adversity is a situation you find that are hard, either to learn or to get something good out of. It is important to know that you learn more from challenging situations, so thank you mum and brother for making me learn to be standing on my own two feet. However, I should wish you choose a different situation, spiritually you made me grow a lot. This show how we make a bad situation great, seeking the seed in an adverse situation.

In todays step, we are looking for adversity, adversity is what makes us grow. We have many good and great moments. We do what we want, we do what we like, and than suddenly we meet an adversity. It is now that we should realize that we need to seek the seed of triumph in this situation. There is something we shall learn from this situation and there are a triumph for us. It is not just to cut the bad situation out of your life, it is important to meet the situation in totally and find out how this situation can be a win-win situation for parties.

It is a great thing to solve, it is not easy, but it is not so hard that it is so difficult that we can not find out of it either. I hope, this has been a thought provoking little reminder for you and yours. Take care and remember, I am going to travel, I am going to find true health, and I love to teach and coach people, so if you want any of this too, get in touch.


Take care my friends, I find it interesting that we always seek a seed on the way to a triumph, when we meet an adversity. It is much better to have this mindset than to sit around and feel bad about adversity. I do not go looking for adversity to have a situation where I can have a learning situation, but when it happens, it is a great thing to be able to look at the learning in this, to see the positive in meeting these situation.

Guys, be positive, I want you all to realize this.

All the best,
John Eide
Life Coach

Week 8, Help Yourself Help

Hi All,

Welcome back, we have talked a lot about raising your boundaries, however, it happens to be followed by a set of standards. These are your standards. Your boundaries are what you allow happening to you, but your standards are what you do.

For example, if you enter a room, and it looks messy, you think, my boundaries tell me, I am not supposed to be here with this person. S/He is a messy person, this hits your boundaries, however, if you have a standard of not living in a messy room, you clean your room before it gets messy. If you did not use to do this before, but do it now, you have raised your standards.

So now that we understands the difference between standards and boundaries. Is there any area of your life you need to raise your standards? I know in my life there are lots of places I need to raise mine.

This means that I need to become better at doing things myself. It is easy to raise your boundaries, but your standards should follow, otherwise you are a bit of hypocrite. You cannot demand too much more of your friends than you do of yourself.

In other words. your boundaries and your standards should follow each other closely. Sometimes in my life I have been guilty of demanding more of others than of myself. I thought that if I was sort of keeping up appearances, it was ok, but I did not want anyone to see how I was at home.

Now after reading the book that I am following to write these blog posts, I am finally realizing that it is important to not only be seen to live your standards but to actually do it, whether someone sees you or not. It has to do with your conscience, it also affects your subsconcious mind, if you do not live your standards all the time.

It might be better to loosen your standards if you do not manage to live by them, the standards are how you live. If you do not live by them, they are not your standards, they are what you project to your friends but not really your standards.

I have been guilty of this break with normal traditional standards of what is dinner, I have often not been able to eat dinner every day. In fact, on my income, I probably cannot make dinner 7 days a week. It is just not possible in Norway of kr 500 per week to live normally and have a breakfast. lunch and dinner every day. At least not by the standard of what is a meal. I can eat 2 pieces of bread each day, if I am lucky there will be butter on the bread on Saturday and Sunday.

But I have found that this is because I did not think of something that I could not think of. A good friend of mine told me, that it is not so expensive to eat bread if you bake it yourself. You know in Norway, to go shopping for bread, you are lucky to find anything under kr 30 (or kr 29.90), but now I have discovered a bread that can be made from a spoon of oil, 4 eggs and a pack of doug for kr. 14, so it is at least, a lot cheaper than kr 30, and even better, it last for a week, without being stale or go off. Most bread in the shop, get green growth after a few days out of the freezer.

So, can you see how raising your standards, should be linked to raising your boundaries? It means you live a life, with the same rules as you demand of your friends and people around you.

This is important. You must not demand more of your friends and family than you demand of yourself.

Happy day to all, remember, your boundaries a little looser than your standards, this is today and this weeks slogan.

All the best,
John Eide
Life Coach

Help yourself, week 7

Hi All,

Thanks for following my blog, it is a honor to be writing to you all.

In this week, we will be talking about the 2 lasts weeks things, but we will move them up a notch. It is important to remember week 5 set boundaries and week 6 we talked about a model for communication. These two weeks are now going to be used to give notice to people.

In your life, you may have things that are making you feel terrible. Is it something someone has said to you a long time ago or yesterday? It does not matter. If there are things people have said to you, ring them up, and in a clear and formal way, tell them what happened and let them know how you reacted to it. This is not being nitpicking or too sensitive, if you still carry anger from a situation, call the person up, and let them know. As we stated in week 6, it is important to use a neutral voice, and leave now smart comments in the statement. This last part is very important, because it can hurt the other person, and the situation can escalate.

In my life I have made one such statement to my mother. We still do not talk and it is closing up to 4 years now. This Christmas it will be four years since we talked. The statement I made was that I was not willing to help her do the bookkeeping for 2016, this has its reasons, but I will not rip up in them. I simply do not want to apologize for it, unless she apologies first for the way she did it.

In 2016 at Christmas I sat alone, my partner, had flown to Hong Kong, and there was a lot of problems there, that I had to fix. In addition, my daughter in New Zealand, had a hard time in Wellington, and I had just had a call from her before my mum sent a text, this after not sending me a single text wishing me merry Christmas or a call for Christmas. The text stated that I had to help her with the books for 2016, because she could not do it. Wow. She is the bookkeeper and she cannot do the books for 2016? Why? I do still to this day do not understand why she could not do this herself, and I may never find out, because since this text she has not wanted to talk to me at all. So I cannot understand what happened.

It still hurts, but in this situation, I cannot help. I cannot get hold of her, since she do not want to respond to the numerous text messages I have sent her. Until she respond I cannot have any hope of understanding what happened that Christmas. Why no merry Christmas text messages or calls had happened.

I was dealing with a lot of problems myself, I did not need another problem on top of the problems I had to deal with that Christmas. So I have tried to send a message to her last year, only because my partner and my daughter both pushed me to send a message. Again, there was no reply, and still I have had not reply on that message. So she is still angry, I guess.

Now, I hope you do not have to deal with such situations in your life. If you have to, be strong and learn one thing. If people shall treat you so bad, it is better to live without them in your life. Stay strong, live your life, and do not ask for them to forgive you, stay strong, move on, and forget them, even if it is your mother or your brother. Your life is better without them.

I have stated my boundaries, I cannot live with people that repeatedly break them. It is no fun to not be able to speak with your mother or your brother, but if that is the way they are going to treat you. Move on, break the bond, and find friends that will respect you and that will treat you respectfully. Like I have done. Some of those friends are my religious friends, some of those friends are friends that I have met, ones that do respect my and my boundaries. Some of my friends I have met thru a course, a course called Master Key Experience, and they are really great people. They are in line with what we speak about and are the kind of people that want to succeed in life. So they are great friends in all that I do.

It is wonderful to see that there are people out there that want to respect you for who you are, and that there are people in the world, that are like me. They want to go somewhere, be something. I hope you will also get into this. If you want to get into the best course there is, Master Key Experience, then enrol for my newsletter, on the left side of the page if you are on the website and near the bottom of the page if you are on the mobil.

It is a scholarship, so it is already paid for you. You have to invest US$1 to get in, and then there is a course that will change your life. I now see how stupid I was to get upset and sad for losing my mother and brother for my reply to that text message, but I am standing up for what I mean is correct and I will not bend my boundaries, I am sorry that my mum chose to close the door to her child, but I cannot help that that is her reaction. It does not, because of Master Key Experience, not hurt me anymore at all. I am growing up, and I am a more respected and adult citizen of this world than I have ever been before.

I have another example that happen just the other day. I have had a problem with one on the social club that I attend. She cannot get my name right. She keeps calling me the wrong name. I told her so many times that my name is John. And she cannot say it or something. In the end, after following the communication model, I told her, and she took offense to me telling her, so I have cut her out of my life. In fact. I thinking of cutting that social club out of my life, because there are too many people making very bad behaviour there. They are not treating each other with respect, and there is a lot of the members treating others by making reputation behind their backs. They are excluding you from their groups etc. Yes, this social club is not behaving like my boundaries tell me that one should behave, and therefore I am about to decide on whether I shall go there or not, and if I decide it is best to stay away, I lose a few friends, but I will gain space to gain other friends, friends that behave properly, and within my boundaries.

This my friends, I have experienced so many times. Losing friends feels hard just when you do it, but after a while, you feel stronger and happier, with new friends that do care about you, and that do care for your boundaries.

One thing that is important in setting and keeping your boundaries, is that you are consistent. You will also meet new friends when you let go of someone. It is like this. You give up something, this creates space to do something else, and this time, makes you able to meet other people in your life. It is funny to see how this works, but it certainly works, over and over again in life.

So, my advice to you is, if you have friends that keeps breaking your boundaries, and do not respect it when you tell them to keep them, leave them. There is something or someone better for you out there. They will respect you and they will follow and respect your boundaries. It is a worldly problem, and if the person you are with today do not follow your boundaries, give them 3 chances, and if it is no help, it is out. Just like in Baseball. 3 strikes and you are out.

Have a lovely day, build your confidence, and stay within your boundaries and with friends that stay within your boundaries, and you will be happier.

Have a great weekend, and share this post with your friends please.

John Eide
Life Coach

Help yourself, week 6

Communicating your demands

It is a week or so since my last post. It has been a hard time for me, I am really confused about what happens in my world. I need some coaching from someone that know what they are doing, really well. It is hard to find out where one go when all your dreams are disappearing from your life. And you have to build new ones, by yourself.

This blog, all the past posts and this post and all future posts, shall not touch on my current situation. I will write about what I want to happen now, but it is not about me, my ex-fiance or anyone involved in that event. I have to make this utterly clear, as I was accused of that for the previous post. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND MY RECENT RELATIONSHIP. I have many earlier experiences I can write about, as they are not so touchy right now.

To protect yourself gracefully you need to communicate when people do break your rules, your borders, your boundaries or do things you do not like. It is not proper to allow people to do what you do not find proper to do. I will not do it, and nobody should accept people to do what they do not feel acceptable.

In a communication model, it is very important which way this is being communicated, and the way that makes the best impact is a totally natural, neutral tone. In the book that I learning about these steps I am told that one should use the same tone as one is saying: ¨the sky is blue¨. Remember that when you read the rest of this post. You must keep an neutral tone, and no sharp or smart remarks while you do it either.

So we are here at the beginning of this model, in the first step, when someone first break what you find improper behavior or something you will not want to accept. In step one, you will first just say that the person is doing something unwanted or something you do not agree with them, or something that bothers you.

Step two, if the action or way of behavior does continue after step one has been given, you will in step two request that it stop. You will not accept that this continue. We all have things that we will will not accept, and if it is not stopping, you will move to step three.

Step three, if you have needed to come to this step you will have asked them to stop the behavior or action that is happening. So, now after telling someone twice already, the situation or action is still continuing. You must, now in step three, insist that the action or behavior stop. It is not something you can live with, so you must insist that it stops now, and if it does not, you need to go to step four.

Step four, the last step, if it gets to this stage, all you can do is to remove yourself from the situation. You must leave. However, you must leave without smart remarks or snappy comebacks. This is important, because it means that you can return, if the person will think things over and return to behave within your accepted behaviors.

That is the complete model, that simple. Four simple steps. Ask, request, insist, leave. That is it. We shall now look at an example from the book. The situation is that one person is screaming at you. This is something nobody should accept. Listen up, nobody has the right to scream at another person. If a person is screaming at you, ask them to stop screaming. If that does not stop the screaming, request that they do so. If that neither stops the screaming, insist that the screaming stop, and if this do not help. Leave the situation. Tell the person to come back when they can talk to you in an acceptable way. There is no way that it is acceptable to accept that another person screams at you, whatever is done.

In my history, the person that screamed at me, is my dad. He screamed often, and he screamed loudly. In fact, today, I am not able to hear screaming without being totally set out, normally I cannot communicate in a situation where someone screams. It does not matter whether I am the one being screamed at, or not. I freeze, I get totally uncomfortable, and not for just the moment that the screaming happens, but for a very long time. Last time it happen, it was a friend of mine screaming at the staff at a house I attend for social gatherings. It has taken me nearly a week to recover. Finally, I am feeling like things are getting better. Therefore, remember, do not scream at people, IT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. However, the point was that the people that made him yell, in fact handled the situation very badly. First they should have told the reasons that he could not be there, in a private place, not in front of all the others. It is strange that people that are educated to be in such places has not learned to get people ready to communicate things that could be making someone angry, into a place where one could talk in private. There, if the person would be angry, it would happen in a place where not everyone would hear it.

This example did not explain the model, so instead, we shall change the event a bit. If my friend started screaming at me, I would simple tell him to please stop screaming at me, then ask him to stop screaming, then demand that he stops, and then I would leave if necessary. This is what the model says, and this is how it should happen. Do not worry, if you have to leave the situation. The person will need to contact you to be apologizing for their behavior before you return. In addition, do not let the screaming continue in the contacting or in the future when you return. There is no need to scream at another person.

I have screamed at a few people in my life, and I am sorry for that. I was angry, but now, I am learning not to speak while still angry. It is important to thing. If you are angry, you will not be thinking clearly, and you can therefore not be speaking properly either. Remember that. Never speak while angry. When you speak, you must have come down and thought things thru.

Remember communication is all about clear mind and clear thinking, before talking clearly and understandably.

Have a great day,
John Eide

Help yourself, step 5

This week the blog is about how to help yourself as always. It will be about setting boundaries, and living by them. I have just done that in my life so I have a real example of how you do this. However, due to the people involved it can be a bit touchy to rip up in such a new event, so I will try to avoid the current event that I am living result of right now.

Setting boundaries, what does that mean? You can have things that you do not want to accept. I would never accept people around me drinking alcohol or using drugs. I would not accept people borrowing money. I would never live with a person that borrow money. If we should borrow money it would have to be for buying a house or apartment, and it had to be properly set up, through a bank.

These are some of my rules, you can have other rules. They will be based on your beliefs and your values. It is difficult to state all your rules, but you would find some rules pretty quickly if you think about them. Some people do not think of setting any rules, and they walk through life without rules, and that is a shame.

What happens if you have no rules for what you will do? You will accept all kinds of friends around you. Knowing that we all are influenced by the people we are around, it is difficult to see how you would not be drawn into all kinds of problems. Your mind would think it is ok, whatever your friends do. It is not. Your brain has learned what not to do, when you grew up. Your parents would have told you that some things are not ok, and other things are ok.

Do you not have it that way? Did you like the rules your parents set for you? Or did you oppose them? I opposed many of the rules that my parents told me, and I hated to have to do things to get pocket money, but it was the only way, so I did the things they told me to do. I accepted the rules in the end, because it only hurt me to not accept them. Now that I am an adult, I know that I only earn money by doing things, and so I am glad that I learned from my parents that you have to work to earn money. That also thought me that I had to work for the money I should use.

Why is it important to set the boundaries? This is your life. You should live it like you want to live it. To do that, you must live by the boundaries you have set. Whether they are set by your parents or by you. The rules can not be broken, if you do that, you become less you. You let yourself be run over.

Many people let themselves be run over by others, and they do not have the courage to stand up for themselves. This means that they are really not adults. The rules the rules another person have, can be totally different than what I have, and that would mean that we do not fit together. This is things we would need to find out about for example in the beginning of a relationship. If we find that the other person do not, or will not, live by the rules you live by, I advise that you do not live together. Because this will mean that you cannot live by your rules, and the rules you have as boundaries are you.

I do not mean that you cannot compromise a little, but this should not be on your boundaries that you have set for your life. In the book I read in to learn how do help myself, she talks about people shouting at you. This is a boundary that you should have, and should not compromise on for anyone, not your boss, not your friends, and not for your partner either. It is not nice for the person that get shouted at, to live like that. You should follow a communication model that I will write about next week. So follow on next week to learn how you should give the message that someone is breaking your boundaries, because it is important that you tell the other person that they are breaking your rules and boundaries. They need to get a chance to alter their behaviour that breaks your rule.

So, here in step 5 of help yourself, we have been looking at how you set rules, they come to you through your beliefs and values, and some from your environment, we have seen that you can not live with your boundaries being broken time and again, this is important for you as a person, and that boundaries that you set, are communicated to the person that breaks them, this is a point we will come back to next week.

Remember, when you get to know a person, it is important that you learn their boundaries, that what I have just learned heavily in my life, and I will be more aware of next time I move into a relationship. For this time I will just state that it is so important to state your boundaries and tell the other person, then if they do not want to live by those rules and boundaries, they should let you know, and tell you to get out of your life. That is the best thing to do.

Have a great day, live by these 5 rules that we have stated so far, and you will be on your way to get a much better life.

Have a nice day, and life by force. Take responsibility and take some time and figure out what your boundaries are, and what things you will not live by, so you know, not just live life without specifying these things. Life becomes so much more enjoyable once you are able to set your limits and get out of the situations you do not want to be in.

All the best,
Coach John Eide

How to help yourself, step 4

Hi All,

Here we are again, with the next step in the series on How to help yourself, in fact, the series is building on a step by step way to get yourself ready to be able to use a coach, before you manage step 1 to 1o in this series, you are really not ready to use a coach, but I can work with you to help if you feel that it is too tough to do this alone.

First I want to let you read the first 3 steps, in case you have not read them yet, Step 1, Step 2 and Step 3. There you are, you can now work them out one by one. It is a very good idea to start at number 1 and work your way through them, but it is by no means a requirement.

Todays topic is about ¨shoulds¨. This is a things that hangs over you and does not get done or goals you want to achieve but has been sitting as a goal for a while. In fact, if you have had a goal you wanted to achieve for more than a year, you should, no punt intended, delete it from your goal list or from your to do list, depending on where it is, and whether it is a goal or whether it is some other from of ¨shoulds¨.

Why is it important to remove them? Well, you may think that it is important, but it has not been done for the last year, therefore it cannot be that important to you. In other words, you think in your mind that it is important, but you do not find any motivation to do it, at least, for the time being.

Some goals are great to just delete, others are not so wonderful to just forget. First of all, the ones that are no problem to drop, just drop them, do not have them sitting on your list to do, when it is not important enough to be done in a year. Now you are left with a few ¨shoulds¨ that you do not feel like you can delete. The question than become what do you do with them?

The list of goals that you have not been able to do within a year of setting them, and is too important to give up on, are goals that you know you should do, but you do not really want to do, therefore, the point we are trying to make in this post is that you need to use some way to reinvent that goal before you put it as a goal again.

Reinventing the goal, how will you do that? It can be done in many ways; you could write the goal in a different way, you could look if you can motivate you to do the goal now or you can find a better way to reward yourself for achieving the goal, and maybe, just maybe, the goal is too big to get started at. I usually have a header with my experience, but in this post it will not be my experience on exactly a goal that was one year old, because I have always dropped goals long before the one year rule, if I have not achieved it by then.

However, there are many ways to set a goal to make it more interesting to work on, and not the least achieve it. The first thing you can think about is the size of the goal. Is the goal to big to do in one go, in other words, is the goal to big a change to do it all in one step. Maybe we need to reduce it into smaller parts.

Sometimes this helps the motivation to get started. Other times it can be the goal does not create the motivation we like. Even we know we should do it, we just do not want to do it. Sometimes we just have to admit that the world was not meant to be fair, get used to it, and do it anyway. After all, we are adults, and adults do what is best for them.

Now, we will look at a time when I did have to work on my goal, to make it more achievable. It is a bit of stretch to a time when I was successful in network marketing, and nearly did stop completely due to not having learned enough about setting goals.

My experience about rearranging a goal

Let us start at the beginning. I had just moved to Australia, and to start off, I was invited to join a Network Marketing company, nearly as soon as I arrived in Australia. It was a great way to meet friends, and it was a great business. It had very good products, and it had a bunch of great people, and everything seemed perfect.

However, I had just qualified to go 9%, that was called Leader’s Club, so I had just qualified to be a Leader, and in that club there was much talk about qualifying to become Direct, that meant that I would have to dobbel my business 10 times. In other words, right now I was at 900 points in my business, and I needed to do 9 000 points per month, to reach this goal.

The day I was convinced by my friend that introduced me to set this goal myself, I was told by him, that this was the main goal to reach after I had passed the level I was at now. The other levels just meant a few extra dollars, but this level was so important. I did not understand what it meant, and I did not understand what it would entail to reach this point, but I took my friend’s advice, and accepted that this was where I wanted to go next.

If you read the words above, you can see, that the goal I set, was not set by me. It was sort of forced upon me. In addition, the gap between where I was and the place I needed to go to reach this goal, was huge. There is the problem. I was given the goal by my friend that pushed me to set a goal I did not yet know what meant, and I was starting to work towards this goal without knowing there was anything wrong.

After a month I had achieved a few hundred points more, but the goal I had was way beyond this, I started to feel like a failure, and I little by little I started to feel like a failure, even I had never had so much success before. I started to feel like I could not reach this goal ever. This made me withdraw from the meetings and from my business friends. I felt more and more like I could not show my face there until I was an achiever, which would mean that I needed to achieve my goal, and become the person they wanted me to be.

That meant that I would need to stay away from them for a long time, I could not see how I would achieve this goal within the next few months, yes, maybe not even within the next year. I withdrew totally from the group, and luckily one of my friend’s friend, called me up and talked to me, and asked me why I did not come to the meetings anymore.

In trying to hide the real reason I tried to tell him that I had been busy, the meetings was at a time when I had worked overtime at work, and that I was going to come at a set date for a meeting. When I did not show up for that meeting, this person, came to my house, and talked to me. You can say he talked some sense into me that night.

Luckily, he came, because he understood what was going on. The goal I had set, made me feel unmotivated to do the business, my qualification this month had dropped 400 points, and I had not done what I normally did every month myself. Due to this lack of motivation towards the whole thing, that I felt.

When we talked he told me that my friend had been very pushy, and that he now had left the business because he did not get the results he wanted, and asked me what he had set for a goal for me, and I told him, that he had asked me to achieve the 9 000 point goal. He was extremely upset. He went through everything with me, and we talked a long time, and he apologized for his friend’s behavior toward me, before he tried to ask me if I liked the business. I said as true was that I was impressed by the products, and I had been very motivated to achieve Leader’s Club, when I was working towards that, but when he forced me to set that big goal, I had totally lost interest, after understanding the size of the task at hand, that big goal. He nodded in understanding, and told me that he fully understood what I was going thru.

That night, we talked together for 14 hours, in fact, I went straight to work the next morning, without sleep, but I went with new motivation towards this business, I walked with new confidence, all due to him helping me to see what was wrong with this kind of goal setting. I had never learned much about goal setting before this. So I had taken my friends advice as the rule for how one did it. Thankfully, this other friend, could set me straight.

We redefined my goal, to a point of achieving 900 points again next month, and then trying to work towards the next goal as 1 200 points. Instead of 9 000 points. The goal of 9 000 points became a long term goal, and I set a short term goal of managing 900 points again this month and doing 900 points every month, but trying to set a medium term goal of achieving 1 200 points.

This framework of goal setting was totally different to what I had met before. He also showed me how to set other goals. The fact that one grow as a person before one grow in a business. There was so much more I needed to learn at that time, that I did not know that I did not know.

It went well, 2 years later, I achieved 9 000 points. Unfortunately, the month after, I was to move to New Zealand, and since I no longer lived in Australia, my whole business had to stop, unless I could qualify for 9 000 points business in New Zealand. Hurray, that made me feel upset, probably I was angry and a bit regretting the decision to move to Auckland. However, I do no longer regret the whole thing, I see it as a learning activity. I should have checked out things before I chose to move to New Zealand, but since I did not, I just had to take it.

Still to this day, I love MLM and it is a business type I feel that there is room for improvement in. I mean, why should there be any difference which country you live in? But besides that, I feel MLM is the best type of business anyone can start to learn to do business in. There are a few companies that are not as good as others, but are there only perfect companies in other industries? I do not think so. There are many companies that do not manage to do the right things, and they disappear, no matter which industry you are in.

I have some advice for people that want to go into business in MLM, check out the policies on creating income. Do the company focus all its papers on you sponsoring people or does it focus on getting customers, it is not enough to read the written words. You must see and feel the culture in the company after you have started. I have a perfect solution for you, a company that are totally focused on getting customers, that use the products over and over again. If you are interested in earning money, and doing it with a great company, with the right morals, you can email me here. It is free to join, it gives you all you need to get started free, our team even have all the training you need to get started organized for free. Get in touch and we will start working together.

The end of the story today

There is a lesson in all this; I had to learn to set proper goals, not ones that killed my motivation, and that is what ¨shoulds¨ do to. One will lose all motivation to work towards something if one do not set appropiate goals. What that is, is different for all. We are all different. We are all achieving things in our own speed. Some have to learn things before they can move on, others are having the knowledge, but did not put it together in the right order, and others are ready to run, as fast as they get the opportunity too.

One should never compare oneself to others, one should always remember that there could be situations that are different, some obvious and some hidden, this is the reason why some can do something in 2 weeks while others can use a year to achieve the same. One must remember that we all come with different backgrounds, with different knowledge and there are not two equal people in the world.

Therefore; remember, we are all responsible for our own actions, or at least if we want to call ourselves adults. We must remember to only work on ourselves, and not compare ourselves to others. Set your goals, work your goals, enjoy the achievement process as much as the achievement, and when you achieve the goal, celebrate it. Put aside the ¨shoulds¨, find out if you want to achieve it, and if not, put it away, if you want to achieve it, then redefine it, maybe do like I did, and make the goals proper for you, maybe just be redefining them, or by stating them a different way, and maybe all that is needed is, to make the reward bigger.

Till next week, with next tip, enjoy removing those ¨shoulds¨ that has been breaking you down, and get on with achieving your real goals, the one that you really want to achieve.

Enjoy, till next week have fun, work hard, focus on yourself and your goals,

All the best,