Help yourself, week 7

Hi All,

Thanks for following my blog, it is a honor to be writing to you all.

In this week, we will be talking about the 2 lasts weeks things, but we will move them up a notch. It is important to remember week 5 set boundaries and week 6 we talked about a model for communication. These two weeks are now going to be used to give notice to people.

In your life, you may have things that are making you feel terrible. Is it something someone has said to you a long time ago or yesterday? It does not matter. If there are things people have said to you, ring them up, and in a clear and formal way, tell them what happened and let them know how you reacted to it. This is not being nitpicking or too sensitive, if you still carry anger from a situation, call the person up, and let them know. As we stated in week 6, it is important to use a neutral voice, and leave now smart comments in the statement. This last part is very important, because it can hurt the other person, and the situation can escalate.

In my life I have made one such statement to my mother. We still do not talk and it is closing up to 4 years now. This Christmas it will be four years since we talked. The statement I made was that I was not willing to help her do the bookkeeping for 2016, this has its reasons, but I will not rip up in them. I simply do not want to apologize for it, unless she apologies first for the way she did it.

In 2016 at Christmas I sat alone, my partner, had flown to Hong Kong, and there was a lot of problems there, that I had to fix. In addition, my daughter in New Zealand, had a hard time in Wellington, and I had just had a call from her before my mum sent a text, this after not sending me a single text wishing me merry Christmas or a call for Christmas. The text stated that I had to help her with the books for 2016, because she could not do it. Wow. She is the bookkeeper and she cannot do the books for 2016? Why? I do still to this day do not understand why she could not do this herself, and I may never find out, because since this text she has not wanted to talk to me at all. So I cannot understand what happened.

It still hurts, but in this situation, I cannot help. I cannot get hold of her, since she do not want to respond to the numerous text messages I have sent her. Until she respond I cannot have any hope of understanding what happened that Christmas. Why no merry Christmas text messages or calls had happened.

I was dealing with a lot of problems myself, I did not need another problem on top of the problems I had to deal with that Christmas. So I have tried to send a message to her last year, only because my partner and my daughter both pushed me to send a message. Again, there was no reply, and still I have had not reply on that message. So she is still angry, I guess.

Now, I hope you do not have to deal with such situations in your life. If you have to, be strong and learn one thing. If people shall treat you so bad, it is better to live without them in your life. Stay strong, live your life, and do not ask for them to forgive you, stay strong, move on, and forget them, even if it is your mother or your brother. Your life is better without them.

I have stated my boundaries, I cannot live with people that repeatedly break them. It is no fun to not be able to speak with your mother or your brother, but if that is the way they are going to treat you. Move on, break the bond, and find friends that will respect you and that will treat you respectfully. Like I have done. Some of those friends are my religious friends, some of those friends are friends that I have met, ones that do respect my and my boundaries. Some of my friends I have met thru a course, a course called Master Key Experience, and they are really great people. They are in line with what we speak about and are the kind of people that want to succeed in life. So they are great friends in all that I do.

It is wonderful to see that there are people out there that want to respect you for who you are, and that there are people in the world, that are like me. They want to go somewhere, be something. I hope you will also get into this. If you want to get into the best course there is, Master Key Experience, then enrol for my newsletter, on the left side of the page if you are on the website and near the bottom of the page if you are on the mobil.

It is a scholarship, so it is already paid for you. You have to invest US$1 to get in, and then there is a course that will change your life. I now see how stupid I was to get upset and sad for losing my mother and brother for my reply to that text message, but I am standing up for what I mean is correct and I will not bend my boundaries, I am sorry that my mum chose to close the door to her child, but I cannot help that that is her reaction. It does not, because of Master Key Experience, not hurt me anymore at all. I am growing up, and I am a more respected and adult citizen of this world than I have ever been before.

I have another example that happen just the other day. I have had a problem with one on the social club that I attend. She cannot get my name right. She keeps calling me the wrong name. I told her so many times that my name is John. And she cannot say it or something. In the end, after following the communication model, I told her, and she took offense to me telling her, so I have cut her out of my life. In fact. I thinking of cutting that social club out of my life, because there are too many people making very bad behaviour there. They are not treating each other with respect, and there is a lot of the members treating others by making reputation behind their backs. They are excluding you from their groups etc. Yes, this social club is not behaving like my boundaries tell me that one should behave, and therefore I am about to decide on whether I shall go there or not, and if I decide it is best to stay away, I lose a few friends, but I will gain space to gain other friends, friends that behave properly, and within my boundaries.

This my friends, I have experienced so many times. Losing friends feels hard just when you do it, but after a while, you feel stronger and happier, with new friends that do care about you, and that do care for your boundaries.

One thing that is important in setting and keeping your boundaries, is that you are consistent. You will also meet new friends when you let go of someone. It is like this. You give up something, this creates space to do something else, and this time, makes you able to meet other people in your life. It is funny to see how this works, but it certainly works, over and over again in life.

So, my advice to you is, if you have friends that keeps breaking your boundaries, and do not respect it when you tell them to keep them, leave them. There is something or someone better for you out there. They will respect you and they will follow and respect your boundaries. It is a worldly problem, and if the person you are with today do not follow your boundaries, give them 3 chances, and if it is no help, it is out. Just like in Baseball. 3 strikes and you are out.

Have a lovely day, build your confidence, and stay within your boundaries and with friends that stay within your boundaries, and you will be happier.

Have a great weekend, and share this post with your friends please.

Greetings
John Eide
Life Coach

Help yourself, week 6

Communicating your demands

It is a week or so since my last post. It has been a hard time for me, I am really confused about what happens in my world. I need some coaching from someone that know what they are doing, really well. It is hard to find out where one go when all your dreams are disappearing from your life. And you have to build new ones, by yourself.

This blog, all the past posts and this post and all future posts, shall not touch on my current situation. I will write about what I want to happen now, but it is not about me, my ex-fiance or anyone involved in that event. I have to make this utterly clear, as I was accused of that for the previous post. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND MY RECENT RELATIONSHIP. I have many earlier experiences I can write about, as they are not so touchy right now.

To protect yourself gracefully you need to communicate when people do break your rules, your borders, your boundaries or do things you do not like. It is not proper to allow people to do what you do not find proper to do. I will not do it, and nobody should accept people to do what they do not feel acceptable.

In a communication model, it is very important which way this is being communicated, and the way that makes the best impact is a totally natural, neutral tone. In the book that I learning about these steps I am told that one should use the same tone as one is saying: ¨the sky is blue¨. Remember that when you read the rest of this post. You must keep an neutral tone, and no sharp or smart remarks while you do it either.

So we are here at the beginning of this model, in the first step, when someone first break what you find improper behavior or something you will not want to accept. In step one, you will first just say that the person is doing something unwanted or something you do not agree with them, or something that bothers you.

Step two, if the action or way of behavior does continue after step one has been given, you will in step two request that it stop. You will not accept that this continue. We all have things that we will will not accept, and if it is not stopping, you will move to step three.

Step three, if you have needed to come to this step you will have asked them to stop the behavior or action that is happening. So, now after telling someone twice already, the situation or action is still continuing. You must, now in step three, insist that the action or behavior stop. It is not something you can live with, so you must insist that it stops now, and if it does not, you need to go to step four.

Step four, the last step, if it gets to this stage, all you can do is to remove yourself from the situation. You must leave. However, you must leave without smart remarks or snappy comebacks. This is important, because it means that you can return, if the person will think things over and return to behave within your accepted behaviors.

That is the complete model, that simple. Four simple steps. Ask, request, insist, leave. That is it. We shall now look at an example from the book. The situation is that one person is screaming at you. This is something nobody should accept. Listen up, nobody has the right to scream at another person. If a person is screaming at you, ask them to stop screaming. If that does not stop the screaming, request that they do so. If that neither stops the screaming, insist that the screaming stop, and if this do not help. Leave the situation. Tell the person to come back when they can talk to you in an acceptable way. There is no way that it is acceptable to accept that another person screams at you, whatever is done.

In my history, the person that screamed at me, is my dad. He screamed often, and he screamed loudly. In fact, today, I am not able to hear screaming without being totally set out, normally I cannot communicate in a situation where someone screams. It does not matter whether I am the one being screamed at, or not. I freeze, I get totally uncomfortable, and not for just the moment that the screaming happens, but for a very long time. Last time it happen, it was a friend of mine screaming at the staff at a house I attend for social gatherings. It has taken me nearly a week to recover. Finally, I am feeling like things are getting better. Therefore, remember, do not scream at people, IT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. However, the point was that the people that made him yell, in fact handled the situation very badly. First they should have told the reasons that he could not be there, in a private place, not in front of all the others. It is strange that people that are educated to be in such places has not learned to get people ready to communicate things that could be making someone angry, into a place where one could talk in private. There, if the person would be angry, it would happen in a place where not everyone would hear it.

This example did not explain the model, so instead, we shall change the event a bit. If my friend started screaming at me, I would simple tell him to please stop screaming at me, then ask him to stop screaming, then demand that he stops, and then I would leave if necessary. This is what the model says, and this is how it should happen. Do not worry, if you have to leave the situation. The person will need to contact you to be apologizing for their behavior before you return. In addition, do not let the screaming continue in the contacting or in the future when you return. There is no need to scream at another person.

I have screamed at a few people in my life, and I am sorry for that. I was angry, but now, I am learning not to speak while still angry. It is important to thing. If you are angry, you will not be thinking clearly, and you can therefore not be speaking properly either. Remember that. Never speak while angry. When you speak, you must have come down and thought things thru.

Remember communication is all about clear mind and clear thinking, before talking clearly and understandably.

Have a great day,
John Eide

Help yourself, step 5

This week the blog is about how to help yourself as always. It will be about setting boundaries, and living by them. I have just done that in my life so I have a real example of how you do this. However, due to the people involved it can be a bit touchy to rip up in such a new event, so I will try to avoid the current event that I am living result of right now.

Setting boundaries, what does that mean? You can have things that you do not want to accept. I would never accept people around me drinking alcohol or using drugs. I would not accept people borrowing money. I would never live with a person that borrow money. If we should borrow money it would have to be for buying a house or apartment, and it had to be properly set up, through a bank.

These are some of my rules, you can have other rules. They will be based on your beliefs and your values. It is difficult to state all your rules, but you would find some rules pretty quickly if you think about them. Some people do not think of setting any rules, and they walk through life without rules, and that is a shame.

What happens if you have no rules for what you will do? You will accept all kinds of friends around you. Knowing that we all are influenced by the people we are around, it is difficult to see how you would not be drawn into all kinds of problems. Your mind would think it is ok, whatever your friends do. It is not. Your brain has learned what not to do, when you grew up. Your parents would have told you that some things are not ok, and other things are ok.

Do you not have it that way? Did you like the rules your parents set for you? Or did you oppose them? I opposed many of the rules that my parents told me, and I hated to have to do things to get pocket money, but it was the only way, so I did the things they told me to do. I accepted the rules in the end, because it only hurt me to not accept them. Now that I am an adult, I know that I only earn money by doing things, and so I am glad that I learned from my parents that you have to work to earn money. That also thought me that I had to work for the money I should use.

Why is it important to set the boundaries? This is your life. You should live it like you want to live it. To do that, you must live by the boundaries you have set. Whether they are set by your parents or by you. The rules can not be broken, if you do that, you become less you. You let yourself be run over.

Many people let themselves be run over by others, and they do not have the courage to stand up for themselves. This means that they are really not adults. The rules the rules another person have, can be totally different than what I have, and that would mean that we do not fit together. This is things we would need to find out about for example in the beginning of a relationship. If we find that the other person do not, or will not, live by the rules you live by, I advise that you do not live together. Because this will mean that you cannot live by your rules, and the rules you have as boundaries are you.

I do not mean that you cannot compromise a little, but this should not be on your boundaries that you have set for your life. In the book I read in to learn how do help myself, she talks about people shouting at you. This is a boundary that you should have, and should not compromise on for anyone, not your boss, not your friends, and not for your partner either. It is not nice for the person that get shouted at, to live like that. You should follow a communication model that I will write about next week. So follow on next week to learn how you should give the message that someone is breaking your boundaries, because it is important that you tell the other person that they are breaking your rules and boundaries. They need to get a chance to alter their behaviour that breaks your rule.

So, here in step 5 of help yourself, we have been looking at how you set rules, they come to you through your beliefs and values, and some from your environment, we have seen that you can not live with your boundaries being broken time and again, this is important for you as a person, and that boundaries that you set, are communicated to the person that breaks them, this is a point we will come back to next week.

Remember, when you get to know a person, it is important that you learn their boundaries, that what I have just learned heavily in my life, and I will be more aware of next time I move into a relationship. For this time I will just state that it is so important to state your boundaries and tell the other person, then if they do not want to live by those rules and boundaries, they should let you know, and tell you to get out of your life. That is the best thing to do.

Have a great day, live by these 5 rules that we have stated so far, and you will be on your way to get a much better life.

Have a nice day, and life by force. Take responsibility and take some time and figure out what your boundaries are, and what things you will not live by, so you know, not just live life without specifying these things. Life becomes so much more enjoyable once you are able to set your limits and get out of the situations you do not want to be in.

All the best,
Coach John Eide

How to help yourself, step 4

Hi All,

Here we are again, with the next step in the series on How to help yourself, in fact, the series is building on a step by step way to get yourself ready to be able to use a coach, before you manage step 1 to 1o in this series, you are really not ready to use a coach, but I can work with you to help if you feel that it is too tough to do this alone.

First I want to let you read the first 3 steps, in case you have not read them yet, Step 1, Step 2 and Step 3. There you are, you can now work them out one by one. It is a very good idea to start at number 1 and work your way through them, but it is by no means a requirement.

Todays topic is about ¨shoulds¨. This is a things that hangs over you and does not get done or goals you want to achieve but has been sitting as a goal for a while. In fact, if you have had a goal you wanted to achieve for more than a year, you should, no punt intended, delete it from your goal list or from your to do list, depending on where it is, and whether it is a goal or whether it is some other from of ¨shoulds¨.

Why is it important to remove them? Well, you may think that it is important, but it has not been done for the last year, therefore it cannot be that important to you. In other words, you think in your mind that it is important, but you do not find any motivation to do it, at least, for the time being.

Some goals are great to just delete, others are not so wonderful to just forget. First of all, the ones that are no problem to drop, just drop them, do not have them sitting on your list to do, when it is not important enough to be done in a year. Now you are left with a few ¨shoulds¨ that you do not feel like you can delete. The question than become what do you do with them?

The list of goals that you have not been able to do within a year of setting them, and is too important to give up on, are goals that you know you should do, but you do not really want to do, therefore, the point we are trying to make in this post is that you need to use some way to reinvent that goal before you put it as a goal again.

Reinventing the goal, how will you do that? It can be done in many ways; you could write the goal in a different way, you could look if you can motivate you to do the goal now or you can find a better way to reward yourself for achieving the goal, and maybe, just maybe, the goal is too big to get started at. I usually have a header with my experience, but in this post it will not be my experience on exactly a goal that was one year old, because I have always dropped goals long before the one year rule, if I have not achieved it by then.

However, there are many ways to set a goal to make it more interesting to work on, and not the least achieve it. The first thing you can think about is the size of the goal. Is the goal to big to do in one go, in other words, is the goal to big a change to do it all in one step. Maybe we need to reduce it into smaller parts.

Sometimes this helps the motivation to get started. Other times it can be the goal does not create the motivation we like. Even we know we should do it, we just do not want to do it. Sometimes we just have to admit that the world was not meant to be fair, get used to it, and do it anyway. After all, we are adults, and adults do what is best for them.

Now, we will look at a time when I did have to work on my goal, to make it more achievable. It is a bit of stretch to a time when I was successful in network marketing, and nearly did stop completely due to not having learned enough about setting goals.

My experience about rearranging a goal

Let us start at the beginning. I had just moved to Australia, and to start off, I was invited to join a Network Marketing company, nearly as soon as I arrived in Australia. It was a great way to meet friends, and it was a great business. It had very good products, and it had a bunch of great people, and everything seemed perfect.

However, I had just qualified to go 9%, that was called Leader’s Club, so I had just qualified to be a Leader, and in that club there was much talk about qualifying to become Direct, that meant that I would have to dobbel my business 10 times. In other words, right now I was at 900 points in my business, and I needed to do 9 000 points per month, to reach this goal.

The day I was convinced by my friend that introduced me to set this goal myself, I was told by him, that this was the main goal to reach after I had passed the level I was at now. The other levels just meant a few extra dollars, but this level was so important. I did not understand what it meant, and I did not understand what it would entail to reach this point, but I took my friend’s advice, and accepted that this was where I wanted to go next.

If you read the words above, you can see, that the goal I set, was not set by me. It was sort of forced upon me. In addition, the gap between where I was and the place I needed to go to reach this goal, was huge. There is the problem. I was given the goal by my friend that pushed me to set a goal I did not yet know what meant, and I was starting to work towards this goal without knowing there was anything wrong.

After a month I had achieved a few hundred points more, but the goal I had was way beyond this, I started to feel like a failure, and I little by little I started to feel like a failure, even I had never had so much success before. I started to feel like I could not reach this goal ever. This made me withdraw from the meetings and from my business friends. I felt more and more like I could not show my face there until I was an achiever, which would mean that I needed to achieve my goal, and become the person they wanted me to be.

That meant that I would need to stay away from them for a long time, I could not see how I would achieve this goal within the next few months, yes, maybe not even within the next year. I withdrew totally from the group, and luckily one of my friend’s friend, called me up and talked to me, and asked me why I did not come to the meetings anymore.

In trying to hide the real reason I tried to tell him that I had been busy, the meetings was at a time when I had worked overtime at work, and that I was going to come at a set date for a meeting. When I did not show up for that meeting, this person, came to my house, and talked to me. You can say he talked some sense into me that night.

Luckily, he came, because he understood what was going on. The goal I had set, made me feel unmotivated to do the business, my qualification this month had dropped 400 points, and I had not done what I normally did every month myself. Due to this lack of motivation towards the whole thing, that I felt.

When we talked he told me that my friend had been very pushy, and that he now had left the business because he did not get the results he wanted, and asked me what he had set for a goal for me, and I told him, that he had asked me to achieve the 9 000 point goal. He was extremely upset. He went through everything with me, and we talked a long time, and he apologized for his friend’s behavior toward me, before he tried to ask me if I liked the business. I said as true was that I was impressed by the products, and I had been very motivated to achieve Leader’s Club, when I was working towards that, but when he forced me to set that big goal, I had totally lost interest, after understanding the size of the task at hand, that big goal. He nodded in understanding, and told me that he fully understood what I was going thru.

That night, we talked together for 14 hours, in fact, I went straight to work the next morning, without sleep, but I went with new motivation towards this business, I walked with new confidence, all due to him helping me to see what was wrong with this kind of goal setting. I had never learned much about goal setting before this. So I had taken my friends advice as the rule for how one did it. Thankfully, this other friend, could set me straight.

We redefined my goal, to a point of achieving 900 points again next month, and then trying to work towards the next goal as 1 200 points. Instead of 9 000 points. The goal of 9 000 points became a long term goal, and I set a short term goal of managing 900 points again this month and doing 900 points every month, but trying to set a medium term goal of achieving 1 200 points.

This framework of goal setting was totally different to what I had met before. He also showed me how to set other goals. The fact that one grow as a person before one grow in a business. There was so much more I needed to learn at that time, that I did not know that I did not know.

It went well, 2 years later, I achieved 9 000 points. Unfortunately, the month after, I was to move to New Zealand, and since I no longer lived in Australia, my whole business had to stop, unless I could qualify for 9 000 points business in New Zealand. Hurray, that made me feel upset, probably I was angry and a bit regretting the decision to move to Auckland. However, I do no longer regret the whole thing, I see it as a learning activity. I should have checked out things before I chose to move to New Zealand, but since I did not, I just had to take it.

Still to this day, I love MLM and it is a business type I feel that there is room for improvement in. I mean, why should there be any difference which country you live in? But besides that, I feel MLM is the best type of business anyone can start to learn to do business in. There are a few companies that are not as good as others, but are there only perfect companies in other industries? I do not think so. There are many companies that do not manage to do the right things, and they disappear, no matter which industry you are in.

I have some advice for people that want to go into business in MLM, check out the policies on creating income. Do the company focus all its papers on you sponsoring people or does it focus on getting customers, it is not enough to read the written words. You must see and feel the culture in the company after you have started. I have a perfect solution for you, a company that are totally focused on getting customers, that use the products over and over again. If you are interested in earning money, and doing it with a great company, with the right morals, you can email me here. It is free to join, it gives you all you need to get started free, our team even have all the training you need to get started organized for free. Get in touch and we will start working together.

The end of the story today

There is a lesson in all this; I had to learn to set proper goals, not ones that killed my motivation, and that is what ¨shoulds¨ do to. One will lose all motivation to work towards something if one do not set appropiate goals. What that is, is different for all. We are all different. We are all achieving things in our own speed. Some have to learn things before they can move on, others are having the knowledge, but did not put it together in the right order, and others are ready to run, as fast as they get the opportunity too.

One should never compare oneself to others, one should always remember that there could be situations that are different, some obvious and some hidden, this is the reason why some can do something in 2 weeks while others can use a year to achieve the same. One must remember that we all come with different backgrounds, with different knowledge and there are not two equal people in the world.

Therefore; remember, we are all responsible for our own actions, or at least if we want to call ourselves adults. We must remember to only work on ourselves, and not compare ourselves to others. Set your goals, work your goals, enjoy the achievement process as much as the achievement, and when you achieve the goal, celebrate it. Put aside the ¨shoulds¨, find out if you want to achieve it, and if not, put it away, if you want to achieve it, then redefine it, maybe do like I did, and make the goals proper for you, maybe just be redefining them, or by stating them a different way, and maybe all that is needed is, to make the reward bigger.

Till next week, with next tip, enjoy removing those ¨shoulds¨ that has been breaking you down, and get on with achieving your real goals, the one that you really want to achieve.

Enjoy, till next week have fun, work hard, focus on yourself and your goals,

All the best,
John

How to Help yourself, step 3

Hi All,

It is so fun to be able to bring you this great hints to improve your life. Have you read the previous 2 posts in this series? If not, I will give you a little hint about what they where about. Step 1 was about removing things from your life that annoyed you and Step 2 was about stopping your addictions. You can read Step 1 here, and Step 2 here, they will open in new windows so you do not have to use your back button to come back and read this weeks new post. I hope you enjoy these blogs, and would like to subscribe to my blog, so you get a notice every time I send out a new blog, you can subscribe in the form at the right side on a computer, and might be at the bottom on a mobile phone. The form added in the post do not work, so I have had to take it away, I am sorry.

So, now you have caught up with Step 1 and Step 2, and are ready to go to step 3. We are today going to give you an advice on adding a list of 10 habits you want to create in your life. These habits should be good habits. When we say good we mean 10 things you love to do. Sometimes there can be some habits you should do also, but it is much easier to change the habits if you love to do them, or most of them.

10 habits that you are going to change can be a bit much to do all at once, so it might be easier if you add some things you can do easily, while the habits you need to change, should be added one by one, or at least, worked on one by one.

Why is it good to work on good habits? When you are going to change a habit, it is important to change the habit from something bad or not so good, to something good. Many people think they are just going to stop a habit. However, it is much easier to alter a habit if you change it from something bad to something good, than it is to just quit something.

As you see, many people think of stopping smoking these days. The problem is that this create is that you have a large amount of time that you do not know what to do anything in. Therefore you need to plan not just to stop the habit, but also what you should do instead. For example, you can plan what you will do instead of taking the breaks with a cigarette, by doing something else instead of smoking, you can relax with a good book or watching a YouTube video or some other material that can give you a relaxation from what you are doing in your job or when you are home and need to have a break.

As you see, this list of habits to be altered can be a mix of bad habits that you need to change and new habits you would like to see implemented. It is therefore important to remind you that it is in a period to implement them one by one, if implementation of them all at once would be too much, and this is fine.

My experience with this step

In the process of reading this tip, I was trying to implement a few things I can talk about. Some was a bit personal and I think they can remain that way. I included a habit of walking every day, and even if the walk is not always that long. I have manged to add this to my daily habits. My walks are not a set route every day, but I have been out walking every day, sometimes to do chores, and sometimes just to walk to get out of the house and get fresh air.

It creates a good feeling just to get out of the house, because due to the corona virus I am spending too much time in my house. The walk is about the only time I am out of my house. There is no other place to go, the places I went to before the corona virus closed down as soon as the message came thru that it was recommended by the council that these places closed down, so I sort of had nowhere else to go either, so I sort of had to add a walk to my daily routine to get out of the house and get some fresh air.

In addition, this walk out of the house also refreshed my head, as I was using most of the time at home to study. I am involved in a few courses where I study, and I can sit all day to do the courses, but I do need to take some time out of my studies and get some fresh air and I thereby get a break in my study and get some fresh air all at once from this habit of going for a walk. This walk and the fresh air showed up to be good for my studies, too, this because I became more alert and my brain could pick up more information from the studying too. So even if I lost time from the study, I gained time in my study, because I did not need to see the videos twice to pick up all the information that I should learn from it.

So, all in all, the experience has been good. It has been good in many ways. It was good for the study that I do every day, but also it created a time of the day, where me and my fiance could walk and talk together, which we did not have when I was sitting in my room studying all day. Therefore these habits that improve on your life can create benefits you have not even thought about in advance. Now I think of this time taken out of my studies as a win-win situation. I highly recommend following step 3 and creating a list of 10 habits you want to change.

It is not necessary to implement them all at once, but once you have implemented them, you can strike them of the list, and add other good habits to the list. I am sure we all can think of many good habits we should implement to be better humans, to feel better in life, and to be better friends and family members.

Enjoy your day, enjoy your life, contact me if you like more advice, and be ready for the next blog next week. Usually the blog is out Sunday or Monday every week, today I am a bit late, because the weather has been so great today.

If you have sunshine like we have here, enjoy the weather, and take care of yourself too.

Have a great week everyone, I wish you all the best.

Greetings
John

How to help yourself, step 2

Hi All,

Thanks for following my blog. It is my honor to present you these steps to help yourself, and to be able to show you the way to become a better you. That is after all what life is about, is it not?

Last time we looked at getting rid of things that drained our energy, this time, we shall look at another thing that take away our self-control. Namely addictions. You may think I am going to talk solely of addictions to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, but no, there are addictions of other things that are even more common, even some that we may not think of as very damaging. Like the addiction to coffee, chocolate, comfort food, and sugar.

And yes, these are no better than addictions to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, believe it or not, any addiction we have, even some we do not think of as addictions, are taking away our self-determination and undermining our confidence in ourselves. So it is a serious matter. The book I am getting the points from have even said it like this; before you can knock your addictions you are not ready to go to a life coach for coaching, and this because you are unable to control yourself completely.

In this book the author wrote about her addiction to coffee. She never thought of the one cup of coffee she had every morning as an addiction, and would tend to agree that that is not an addiction, but she goes on to tell about the effect of not having that coffee, and that is mind boggling to hear that she had such bad withdrawal symptoms when she quit drinking this coffee, that it proved to have been an addiction.

This proves that we may have addictions we do not even think of as addictions in life. There are many that can be addicted to stuff that they do not think is an addiction. One friend of mine thought of his marijuana smoking as something he could do every day without getting addicted. However, the problem of his addiction was that the argument went like this; I am not addicted because I can quit when I want to, but I do not want to stop it, because I enjoy it. Some have might heard other people say something similar about different addictions.

We can be addicted to many things like coffee, sugar, chocolate, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, and complaining. It is things we do not always think of as an addiction, however, when they take control over you, and you get symptoms of needing to have it when you do not get it, it is by definition an addiction. It is scary to think what this does to your brain.

In research they have found that the brain is effected by the addiction, and learn to crave the things we eat, drink or do. It removes our control over ourselves. This is serious. It means we do not have full control over ourselves. The book author even define the addictions as being so bad for us that we are not ready for going to a coach before we have managed to take back the full power over our brain and over our addictions. I think some addictions can be solved with a coach, but I see the point of the author, due to not having full control our oneself, you might not be able to execute the plan the coach will put up for you.

Though most of us have some addictions, it is important to remember in the process of going to remove them, that not succeeding is just a step on the journey to managing to rid yourself of the addiction. It is important to work on them one by one. It is suggested that you write them all down and get rid of them one by one, if you do not yet succeed, do not beat yourself up, you just need another, new plan for how to manage it. It is like coaching. If one plan do not work to your satisfaction, we try another plan. You often have many different options in trying to quit something.

How to do this step: Getting rid of addictions

We are now going to look at how you should get rid of addictions. The first step is to become aware that you have an addiction. This is not always as easy to see as you think. It can be that the brain fool you into thinking that something is not an addiction, while it is something you need to have to feel good. Remember the wise words, your brain do not need anything to feel good. It will feel good when you decide to feel good.

Step 2, is listing all your addictions on a list, then, we will start to remove them one by one, one important part here is, one by one. Do not try to change too much at one time. This is important, it is something your brain needs. There is time for change, but getting rid of all bad habits all at once is too much to take, and so you are most likely to fail all of it, if you take on too much at one time.

Step 3, is crossing of the list when you have succeeded, here it is also time for a celebration. Such a great deal as quitting an addiction needs to be celebrated. It is an achievement, showing that you can do it. You are strong, maybe even stronger than you thought before you began. Have you ever thought of the memories where you did succeed in something? How do you feel when you think of them? I am sure you, as I, feel like a winner, just in that moment when you succeeded. In NLP, we learn to use such moments for all it is worth to prove to ourselves that we can. We can do it. All humans are GREAT MIRACLES. Some of us just have not noticed it themselves yet.

My own experience with addictions

In my days I have discovered that I have many addictions. I was addicted to drinking coffee, I was addicted to sugar and especially chocolate and lollies, I was addicted to cigarettes, I was addicted to feeling sad for myself , yes even I was addicted to some things I do not even want to mention by name.

Now I will try to tell you that I am so lucky that I have succeeded not being addicted to anything any longer. BUT; I cannot say that. In 2003 I was told by my doctor that I have developed diabetes type 2, and that I therefore had to stop eaten lollies and sugary things. That became a problem. I could not stop eating a chocolate every day. So I tried to stop having all sorts of things that had chocolate taste. I could not have chocolate milk shakes, because it aroused in me a need to eat a chocolate, a real one, not just the tast of it.

So, you can see, it is not that some can do it and some can not. We all have our own parts that we are struggling with. Other things I have tried to quit has been just as hopeless to stop. I have now gathered new faith in the fact that I should manage, and have made plans to stop all of my addictions.

However, to finish of on a positive note, I was addicted to coffee for a very long time. I remember I was travelling from home every morning at 5 am, and coming to the work place about 7.30 am. My work did not start until 9 am, and so I usually met with some of my friends at a coffee bar and sat there from 7.30 am to 8.45 am, drinking 3-4 different large Starbucks coffee every morning. I never thought of being addicted to coffee, but I must admit in hindsight that at that time I was addicted to it. When I started studying for teachers college I could no longer afford to drink that much coffee in a coffee shop, but I drank coffee from the cheap student bar in the University instead. When I came home to Norway, I then started a process to stop drinking coffee, by drinking tea for a month, then I went from normal tea over to herbal tea, and that way, I managed to stop my cravings for coffee. So I have managed one addiction, which mean I can manage all other addictions, too. So let us all start step 1, writing them all up on a list of addictions, and work on one after the other, then the task will not seem so large, and remember if you manage to win over one addiction, you will be able to win them all. Good JOB. Enjoy a life without addictions you too.

Have a great week, and enjoy a life free of addictions soon

All the best to you
John

How to help yourself, the series Step 1, Week 1

Hi All,

It is great to see you back this week, last week we started a serie, or should I rather state, we laid the foundation for a new series, it is a number of steps you can take, in order to improve your life, that I will go through, in order to help people that read my blog, and that see my post on Facebook and Twitter.

I am happy to share this material with you, as I am happy to give content to people, so that they can handle these steps on their own. I read today that there is a clear connection between happiness and having a goal or dream to achieve ahead of you. If you have such a dream or goal ahead of you, to achieve, and do not know where to begin, or where to get going, you can follow this series till the end, and you will have a great way to solve many of the steps along the way.

To Follow the Blog, you can SUBSCRIBE HERE IN THIS FORM:

It will be sent out warnings when the new blog posts are written from the mailing list that is created here.

So to todays little hint:
WRITE A LIST OF ALL THINGS THAT ANNOYS YOU

That is correct, it is important point to start to create a better life. To write down every little or big thing that you are feeling that do not do something great for you. It can be a list of about 100 things, and it might not be that easy to start off. This because, when you have settled for them for a while, you become numb to them.

So point number 1, is to write down the list, in the book I read, the author states that it is important to write it down, that be whether you think you can do something about it or not. These small or big things drain your energy, and makes you not have the energy to do the things you dream of, and it is therefore a very important point to start of with.

My experience

I tried this when I first read this tip, and I must eagerly tell you all, that it had the most incredible effect on me. I could not stand a few things that happened around me. So I wrote them down, not knowing how I could deal with them, but new 3 months later, most of the points has no longer any draining effect on my energy. It is incredible how this has worked.

I find that I am feeling better with myself, better in my relationship with both my partner, my friends and the world in general. I have not noticed many of the changes, they have happened a lot by themselves, or so I would say. I think, what really happens is that the subconscious mind are working on me being aware of the things that drain my energy, and do not let them in. In other words, I have created another habit around these things.

I have a few points left, approximately 20 of them are still there, but some of them are big ones, like me getting healthier, and I am working on them, the reason this annoys me, is that I am unable to do what I want. Taking so many medications as I do now, is one area that I hope I will be able to stripe off my list eventually. So please, listen.

Just, follow this advice, write this list, even if you do not work on them much, there will happen a shift. There will be somethings out of your head that no longer drain your energy. This will lead to more energy to do what you want to do, and this will create more happiness, more energy and more time to start pulling towards your goals and dream.

Good working with you, keep going and have more fun, more energy, more up and go. To you all, till next week, enjoy life, and live it to the fullest.

Greetings to you all
John

Passing the Exam

Hi all,

Thanks for following my blog, and keep on reading it. I have finally got my form up and running, you can sign up on the right hand side, but I will include it in here:

SUBSCRIPTION FORM FOR MY BLOG:

I am so happy to inform you that I will soon include a free item with the form, if you sign up now, you will not lose out on it, I will send a free item to all that signs up, even if they sign up before I get to set up the form.

I am so happy today, I worked hard for my last exam, NLP Practitioner certification. It is an area that I thought I knew a lot about because I heard Tony Robbins talk about it in his program Personal Power 2, when I studied that. That is a program which is over 20 years old, and the explanation that time, did not exactly describe what I have learned over the last few months. NLP is short for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It includes many different technologies, and it was very interesting to learn it properly.

In the course there was lots of exercises so I have practiced a lot on my fellow students and on my friends. This is really a fun tool to put in your life coaching suit case. That is where it belongs, in the tool box. There is many applications from NLP that are perfect for life coaching, however, some of them lean more towards hypnosis. That is real hypnosis, not the one that some of my friends had been shown on TV during the last 20-30 years.

You know, where the hypnotist get people into a trance and get them to walk around a sing like a crow or talk like a hen. In fact, from Steve G Jones, which is a hypnotist I have got a more reflective view on what hypnosis is, and it has nothing to do with the thing they has projected it to be on TV. It is really strange why TV again prove to try to alter peoples view on a thing. I am not really surprised, as it is what TV do in most cases. I can no longer believe anything I see on TV. Or, it has to be a documentary, and I have to know who is behind it, and what view they are projecting.

It is the same no matter what you watch, there is always a try to brain wash you, that is why the programs are made, they are not there for pure entertainment. Usually a great portion of the programs are created to make you feel addicted to keep watching that machine or screen in front of you. It is an addiction, just like alcohol, drugs, or gambling. You know why? Because the television companies are relying on people watching their programs to earn revenue in form of commercials.

Today, I am so happy because I have passed the exam, so now stands the big test, getting to use it in real life, on people that do not know me. I hope you are ready to take the step and come and book an initial consultation with me.

Hope to see you soon.

Greetings
John Eide

What is Coaching?

Hi All,

So today, we will start a series of blog posts, the start of it, will start with the main question, what is coaching? It is what I do, I am going to be doing coaching. So to define it, and what I am doing, is a great way to start of this blog.

Coaching, they say is taking someone from where they are and to move them to where they want to go. Or in another way, fill the gap in someones life. It creates a route to make someone take the steps they want to take, but have not been able to take alone.

I am lucky, I get to be the helper, the mentor and the accountability partner for a person that are going on his life’s journey. Joseph Campbell called it a Hero’s Journey. A Hero’s Journey is purposely a full circle. Because what you do is go away somewhere and come back and teach someone about it. A little like what I did myself, when I moved to Australia, then New Zealand, and then came back to Norway again, 24 years later.

So I have been on my journey, I am back and can teach others about the journey I went on, not only that, but I can tell them about handling the fears and challenges it took to do it. In your life, there will be fears, there will be challenges, and you will have demons that step you on your feet, when you think you are going to make the step. This is one reason the coach can be a great helper, a great mentor and an accountability partner to have by your side.

What is fear? Fear is described in many Hero’s Journey stories, as a dragon, or a monster, or something frightening. A Hero’s Journey story is one of the old stories you read as a child, or like Star Wars, you probably saw at the movies. It is a hero, that beats the villain/s. The fear is what we feel before we step into the Hero’s Journey, by many it is therefore described as what the Hero is afraid of. In real life, our fear is what we have learned during our life.

To fight the fear, we say that the Hero must have courage, but many books states that this is not the case, they state that courage is what you know you have to do, and you do it. While lack of courage keeps you back, and stop you, hold you back. In life, it can be the fear of being ridiculed, the fear of what your family and friends are going to say. This stops you from joining your Hero’s Journey. Thereby missing out on living your bliss.

A bliss, is what you were made to do. That is doing what you just love to do. I have heard many times, that statement that say: ¨If you get to work with what you love, you never work a day in your life¨.

I have been there, even while in New Zealand, I faced another Hero’s Journey, when I faced a choice in my life of what to do next. I worked in a safe job in a bank. I lived a good life. I could stay there, and have a safe income. But due to some circumstances that I do not want to tell the world, I chose to not do that, but rather follow my instinct, and apply to become a lecturer. It was not easy to do, it was hard to really find the right words to describe why I even thought I could become a lecturer, when I had to fill in the reason for my first prospective employer, but I got it. For 11 years I got to live what really showed up to be the dream of my life.

Therefore I want to do more teaching, I am now in a situation where I am not allowed or able to hold down a fulltime job. I have learned to live with that fact now. I have still found that I can be useful to the society. I can use my lecturing and teaching skills, to teach others different things in this world. I can teach them what they want to do, I can teach them economics, I can teach them accounting, I can teach them how to utilize Neuro-Linguistic Programming, I will soon have my Master Certificate in Coaching, and a Certificate in Business Coaching and a Certificate in Marketing, thought by people that teach practical stuff, not theoretical stuff, in other words, they teach you how it works in the real world.

So, now I stand in front of a new Hero’s Journey. I look forward to it. I am glad I am choosing to do this, rather than sit down and live on bread for the rest of my life, I can achieve something, I have wished for since the day I left New Zealand, to go back there, and meet up with my daughter, and take her with me, my fiance and her daughter, and go travelling together as a whole family.

It will be my honor to achieve it, I will be so proud when I do it. I will never let it out of my sight, until we do it. My life, is not worth living until the day we can do it, and even though I have not asked any of the other parties if they want to do it yet, I am sure they will be happy too.

The end of this, will be that, I can take me on this journey, I can help you do this kind of journey, as I have successfully done this twice myself. Come on, what are you waiting for? It is real life, it is not living by the demands and expectations of others. Find the courage, face the dragons (the fear), in fact, love the fear, you will find it is yourself holding you back.

The fear is yourself, yourself projected in the world outside, your real self is within, the world within you. Take the first step, find your journey. Hire me, I can help you on your way. I am ready, I want to take you, I am ready to go thru fire with you. It does not matter if it is big or small. Your first journeys can be small. It is OK. Just take the step, join the Hero’s, live your life.

Live your life as it was meant to be, not as all the others expect you to live.

Good luck, it is your choice.

Have a great decision, I offer free initial sessions, if you just want to discuss it, I am here, ready to join you, in the next few weeks we will look at small steps you can do to create a better life for yourself, right here, right now, without doing the big steps I am talking about.

Have a great week my friends.
Coach Eide

Our Mind is Programmed

Hi All,

And welcome to a new week. How are you doing today? Most of you will without thinking answer: ¨I am fine, thank you, and you¨? And that is fine, we do that out of habit, or we will have big eyes turned toward us. I know, I did for about half a year, not say this, but instead I turned around and said: ¨Oh, you would not believe how bad I feel today, would you like to hear it¨? Most people just kept walking as if I had said I was fine, but there were others that was actually listening to what I said, and they really got scared. Most of them ran away, a few unfortunate souls, said: ¨John, is it that bad, let me hear about it¨. When they said that, I started telling them, I had a half hour complaint about how bad the world was, how children are dying in Africa, and about all the wars in the world, and how some countries kill their people, etc etc etc.

It was a tough morning for those two, they really got to here all that was wrong in this world, all at once. Was that a nice thing to do? No, it was not nice to do it to someone, and it was not nice for me to be doing it. This, because it made me focus on all the wrong stuff, the negative stuff, and I needed to remain positive and happy, but I was not getting there, I did not manage to get happy for that half a year. It became to bad, that I went into a real depression, I literally made myself sick, just by thinking about negative things.

We can all do this, and most of us do, by every day focusing on the negative stuff. We read newspapers, we watch TV, we listen to other people complain, we hear it everywhere. It is scary. There is so much negativity in the world, it is overloaded. I just heard a movie that puts it all in perspective. The reason it is like that, is that we are programmed finished by the age of 7. That is right, by the age of 7 years of age, our brain is finished programmed. We have learned all the stuff our parents do, we have learned all the rules of being in a family, we have learned how to behave in society. How? By watching others, especially our parents, and the rest of the family.

Then we have the proof that our belief can move mountain, look at medicine. Have you heard about the Placebo effect? It is when a person take a pill to get well from a disease, and the person get given the prescription for the tablet, but instead of being given the real pill, all they are getting is a sugar pill, and people still get well. It is not the sugar in the pill that makes you well, it is your belief. You have the opposite effect also. People thinking negative thoughts can think themselves sick, in the clip I just saw on Youtube, they even told you that people can think themselves to die. That is scary, but I can imagine, since they have proved it work the other way, it must be true that we can do it this way too. I thought myself to a bad heart, and I nearly died in the operation, and I had 5 stents put into the blood vessels the year after, because I was so negative. It is hard for the body to create so much plaque in one year.

So what can we do about it? Are we stuck? No, we are not, otherwise it would not be much point in writing about it. I am here to tell good news. It is really good news. I am learning Life Coaching Skills, NLP and a bit of Conversational Hypnosis at present, and through Hypnosis you can alter this very sharply, and very quickly, yes, in fact, you do not have to do hypnosis, in some cases auto-suggestions are enough, it depend on your attitude to change. I have at the moment my girlfriend trying out this method, and she has changed dramatically in her attitude to quit smoking. It is like night and day to talk to her about quitting smoking. Before, she would say, ¨I do not want to stop¨; now she say ¨I am so happy I have started this quitting thing, I feel so much better¨. Is that not amazing? And all just from a few lines of auto-suggestions that she did not even want to believe in a few weeks ago.

So here is the final conclusion; we live in habits, our subconscious mind control our life (90%), we take charge sometimes (10%). If we want to alter something, it is important to alter our beliefs. And most self-development stuff, do not alter beliefs, but just tell us to do more actions. However, to change our beliefs, we have to alter our thinking, and we have to give strong feelings to the new thoughts, so that it actually work to remove the old habit. Through auto-suggestions or conversational hypnosis, you can change the habits of your life.

Get going, produce your better life now. If you like to learn more, get in touch, and we can work on this together. I hope to hear from you, and I have a few more tricks up my sleeves in this regards that I can teach you. So I hope to hear from you. Go into Book an Initial Session, then we will work through the program and we can take it from where you are at.

Have a lovely day, and a fabulous week.

All the Best;
Coach John Eide