Week 9, Help Yourself

Hi All,

Thank you for coming back, if you have read before, and thank you for coming to my site if you have not read before. I am thankful, and hope that you will read my blog and think about whether others could benefit from reading this blog. If you find my link via Facebook or Twitter, I want to ask that you share the link, it is important to me. If you get the link by email, share the link any way you can. In advance, a big thank you. I look forward to being of help for you or your friends.

Today’s subject, making something good of every situation.

In life, there are many situations that do not feel like a great experience. However, even though it feels like a bad experience, there are something good in every situation. In my life I have experienced this through many experiences.

There is something important here. It is not that everything is good that is the point here, it is the fact that even bad experiences have something good in them. It is important to remember this. I have been in situations where I did not see a light in the other end of the tunnel. In other words a situation where I thought about taken my own life. In this situation it is totally black. There is nothing great about life any longer, and I do not mean that it does just not feel bad, it really hurts to be alive. I have answers for you so if you have the need to talk about that, then go to the book an appointment or contact me privately through Twitter or Facebook. It is important that you do this quickly, and therefore do not book an appointment a few weeks away. Urgency is the key point when someone is in the black hole. I am here to help you see some light in the tunnel. If I can help, I will ask your permission before I call medical help.

So the fact that all situations are a win win situation, what are the outcomes? Many think it is a win or loose situation, but it is not, it is a win-win situation. You either success at doing something, or you learn something or how not to do something. I met my religion, I read one sentence that made me think that this was the correct place for me. It stated that the reason we are here on earth is to learn something. Coming from 3 suicide attempts throughout my life, I finally realized why we should be here even when we feel like it is hopeless. We are not finished learning the thing we were going to learn in this life, before we actually are ready to die.

Next in my life, I am putting myself into a situation where I might be looking at travelling a bit. In this situation, I am going to learn more than getting used to another language, I am going to learn to accept the people I meet along the way. I am going to learn to handle the way I am travelling, either bus, train or plane. It can be many upsetting things that can happen when we are learning to book the travel we are going to do. It can be many things that goes wrong. I have already tried to make one booking and I am glad we can have another go to book a trip. Otherwise I would not arrive where I was supposed too, and especially the day I was meant to arrive, it is fun to meet these challenges when one meet them with the right mindset. Look always for the seed in the situation.

Last week I had a sentence I read that fitted directly into this subject, ¨Always will I seek the seed of triumph in every adversity¨, this is a fantastic sentence. What is adversity? Adversity is a situation you find that are hard, either to learn or to get something good out of. It is important to know that you learn more from challenging situations, so thank you mum and brother for making me learn to be standing on my own two feet. However, I should wish you choose a different situation, spiritually you made me grow a lot. This show how we make a bad situation great, seeking the seed in an adverse situation.

In todays step, we are looking for adversity, adversity is what makes us grow. We have many good and great moments. We do what we want, we do what we like, and than suddenly we meet an adversity. It is now that we should realize that we need to seek the seed of triumph in this situation. There is something we shall learn from this situation and there are a triumph for us. It is not just to cut the bad situation out of your life, it is important to meet the situation in totally and find out how this situation can be a win-win situation for parties.

It is a great thing to solve, it is not easy, but it is not so hard that it is so difficult that we can not find out of it either. I hope, this has been a thought provoking little reminder for you and yours. Take care and remember, I am going to travel, I am going to find true health, and I love to teach and coach people, so if you want any of this too, get in touch.


Take care my friends, I find it interesting that we always seek a seed on the way to a triumph, when we meet an adversity. It is much better to have this mindset than to sit around and feel bad about adversity. I do not go looking for adversity to have a situation where I can have a learning situation, but when it happens, it is a great thing to be able to look at the learning in this, to see the positive in meeting these situation.

Guys, be positive, I want you all to realize this.

All the best,
John Eide
Life Coach

Week 8, Help Yourself Help

Hi All,

Welcome back, we have talked a lot about raising your boundaries, however, it happens to be followed by a set of standards. These are your standards. Your boundaries are what you allow happening to you, but your standards are what you do.

For example, if you enter a room, and it looks messy, you think, my boundaries tell me, I am not supposed to be here with this person. S/He is a messy person, this hits your boundaries, however, if you have a standard of not living in a messy room, you clean your room before it gets messy. If you did not use to do this before, but do it now, you have raised your standards.

So now that we understands the difference between standards and boundaries. Is there any area of your life you need to raise your standards? I know in my life there are lots of places I need to raise mine.

This means that I need to become better at doing things myself. It is easy to raise your boundaries, but your standards should follow, otherwise you are a bit of hypocrite. You cannot demand too much more of your friends than you do of yourself.

In other words. your boundaries and your standards should follow each other closely. Sometimes in my life I have been guilty of demanding more of others than of myself. I thought that if I was sort of keeping up appearances, it was ok, but I did not want anyone to see how I was at home.

Now after reading the book that I am following to write these blog posts, I am finally realizing that it is important to not only be seen to live your standards but to actually do it, whether someone sees you or not. It has to do with your conscience, it also affects your subsconcious mind, if you do not live your standards all the time.

It might be better to loosen your standards if you do not manage to live by them, the standards are how you live. If you do not live by them, they are not your standards, they are what you project to your friends but not really your standards.

I have been guilty of this break with normal traditional standards of what is dinner, I have often not been able to eat dinner every day. In fact, on my income, I probably cannot make dinner 7 days a week. It is just not possible in Norway of kr 500 per week to live normally and have a breakfast. lunch and dinner every day. At least not by the standard of what is a meal. I can eat 2 pieces of bread each day, if I am lucky there will be butter on the bread on Saturday and Sunday.

But I have found that this is because I did not think of something that I could not think of. A good friend of mine told me, that it is not so expensive to eat bread if you bake it yourself. You know in Norway, to go shopping for bread, you are lucky to find anything under kr 30 (or kr 29.90), but now I have discovered a bread that can be made from a spoon of oil, 4 eggs and a pack of doug for kr. 14, so it is at least, a lot cheaper than kr 30, and even better, it last for a week, without being stale or go off. Most bread in the shop, get green growth after a few days out of the freezer.

So, can you see how raising your standards, should be linked to raising your boundaries? It means you live a life, with the same rules as you demand of your friends and people around you.

This is important. You must not demand more of your friends and family than you demand of yourself.

Happy day to all, remember, your boundaries a little looser than your standards, this is today and this weeks slogan.

All the best,
John Eide
Life Coach

Help yourself, week 7

Hi All,

Thanks for following my blog, it is a honor to be writing to you all.

In this week, we will be talking about the 2 lasts weeks things, but we will move them up a notch. It is important to remember week 5 set boundaries and week 6 we talked about a model for communication. These two weeks are now going to be used to give notice to people.

In your life, you may have things that are making you feel terrible. Is it something someone has said to you a long time ago or yesterday? It does not matter. If there are things people have said to you, ring them up, and in a clear and formal way, tell them what happened and let them know how you reacted to it. This is not being nitpicking or too sensitive, if you still carry anger from a situation, call the person up, and let them know. As we stated in week 6, it is important to use a neutral voice, and leave now smart comments in the statement. This last part is very important, because it can hurt the other person, and the situation can escalate.

In my life I have made one such statement to my mother. We still do not talk and it is closing up to 4 years now. This Christmas it will be four years since we talked. The statement I made was that I was not willing to help her do the bookkeeping for 2016, this has its reasons, but I will not rip up in them. I simply do not want to apologize for it, unless she apologies first for the way she did it.

In 2016 at Christmas I sat alone, my partner, had flown to Hong Kong, and there was a lot of problems there, that I had to fix. In addition, my daughter in New Zealand, had a hard time in Wellington, and I had just had a call from her before my mum sent a text, this after not sending me a single text wishing me merry Christmas or a call for Christmas. The text stated that I had to help her with the books for 2016, because she could not do it. Wow. She is the bookkeeper and she cannot do the books for 2016? Why? I do still to this day do not understand why she could not do this herself, and I may never find out, because since this text she has not wanted to talk to me at all. So I cannot understand what happened.

It still hurts, but in this situation, I cannot help. I cannot get hold of her, since she do not want to respond to the numerous text messages I have sent her. Until she respond I cannot have any hope of understanding what happened that Christmas. Why no merry Christmas text messages or calls had happened.

I was dealing with a lot of problems myself, I did not need another problem on top of the problems I had to deal with that Christmas. So I have tried to send a message to her last year, only because my partner and my daughter both pushed me to send a message. Again, there was no reply, and still I have had not reply on that message. So she is still angry, I guess.

Now, I hope you do not have to deal with such situations in your life. If you have to, be strong and learn one thing. If people shall treat you so bad, it is better to live without them in your life. Stay strong, live your life, and do not ask for them to forgive you, stay strong, move on, and forget them, even if it is your mother or your brother. Your life is better without them.

I have stated my boundaries, I cannot live with people that repeatedly break them. It is no fun to not be able to speak with your mother or your brother, but if that is the way they are going to treat you. Move on, break the bond, and find friends that will respect you and that will treat you respectfully. Like I have done. Some of those friends are my religious friends, some of those friends are friends that I have met, ones that do respect my and my boundaries. Some of my friends I have met thru a course, a course called Master Key Experience, and they are really great people. They are in line with what we speak about and are the kind of people that want to succeed in life. So they are great friends in all that I do.

It is wonderful to see that there are people out there that want to respect you for who you are, and that there are people in the world, that are like me. They want to go somewhere, be something. I hope you will also get into this. If you want to get into the best course there is, Master Key Experience, then enrol for my newsletter, on the left side of the page if you are on the website and near the bottom of the page if you are on the mobil.

It is a scholarship, so it is already paid for you. You have to invest US$1 to get in, and then there is a course that will change your life. I now see how stupid I was to get upset and sad for losing my mother and brother for my reply to that text message, but I am standing up for what I mean is correct and I will not bend my boundaries, I am sorry that my mum chose to close the door to her child, but I cannot help that that is her reaction. It does not, because of Master Key Experience, not hurt me anymore at all. I am growing up, and I am a more respected and adult citizen of this world than I have ever been before.

I have another example that happen just the other day. I have had a problem with one on the social club that I attend. She cannot get my name right. She keeps calling me the wrong name. I told her so many times that my name is John. And she cannot say it or something. In the end, after following the communication model, I told her, and she took offense to me telling her, so I have cut her out of my life. In fact. I thinking of cutting that social club out of my life, because there are too many people making very bad behaviour there. They are not treating each other with respect, and there is a lot of the members treating others by making reputation behind their backs. They are excluding you from their groups etc. Yes, this social club is not behaving like my boundaries tell me that one should behave, and therefore I am about to decide on whether I shall go there or not, and if I decide it is best to stay away, I lose a few friends, but I will gain space to gain other friends, friends that behave properly, and within my boundaries.

This my friends, I have experienced so many times. Losing friends feels hard just when you do it, but after a while, you feel stronger and happier, with new friends that do care about you, and that do care for your boundaries.

One thing that is important in setting and keeping your boundaries, is that you are consistent. You will also meet new friends when you let go of someone. It is like this. You give up something, this creates space to do something else, and this time, makes you able to meet other people in your life. It is funny to see how this works, but it certainly works, over and over again in life.

So, my advice to you is, if you have friends that keeps breaking your boundaries, and do not respect it when you tell them to keep them, leave them. There is something or someone better for you out there. They will respect you and they will follow and respect your boundaries. It is a worldly problem, and if the person you are with today do not follow your boundaries, give them 3 chances, and if it is no help, it is out. Just like in Baseball. 3 strikes and you are out.

Have a lovely day, build your confidence, and stay within your boundaries and with friends that stay within your boundaries, and you will be happier.

Have a great weekend, and share this post with your friends please.

John Eide
Life Coach