How to help yourself, step 4

Hi All,

Here we are again, with the next step in the series on How to help yourself, in fact, the series is building on a step by step way to get yourself ready to be able to use a coach, before you manage step 1 to 1o in this series, you are really not ready to use a coach, but I can work with you to help if you feel that it is too tough to do this alone.

First I want to let you read the first 3 steps, in case you have not read them yet, Step 1, Step 2 and Step 3. There you are, you can now work them out one by one. It is a very good idea to start at number 1 and work your way through them, but it is by no means a requirement.

Todays topic is about ¨shoulds¨. This is a things that hangs over you and does not get done or goals you want to achieve but has been sitting as a goal for a while. In fact, if you have had a goal you wanted to achieve for more than a year, you should, no punt intended, delete it from your goal list or from your to do list, depending on where it is, and whether it is a goal or whether it is some other from of ¨shoulds¨.

Why is it important to remove them? Well, you may think that it is important, but it has not been done for the last year, therefore it cannot be that important to you. In other words, you think in your mind that it is important, but you do not find any motivation to do it, at least, for the time being.

Some goals are great to just delete, others are not so wonderful to just forget. First of all, the ones that are no problem to drop, just drop them, do not have them sitting on your list to do, when it is not important enough to be done in a year. Now you are left with a few ¨shoulds¨ that you do not feel like you can delete. The question than become what do you do with them?

The list of goals that you have not been able to do within a year of setting them, and is too important to give up on, are goals that you know you should do, but you do not really want to do, therefore, the point we are trying to make in this post is that you need to use some way to reinvent that goal before you put it as a goal again.

Reinventing the goal, how will you do that? It can be done in many ways; you could write the goal in a different way, you could look if you can motivate you to do the goal now or you can find a better way to reward yourself for achieving the goal, and maybe, just maybe, the goal is too big to get started at. I usually have a header with my experience, but in this post it will not be my experience on exactly a goal that was one year old, because I have always dropped goals long before the one year rule, if I have not achieved it by then.

However, there are many ways to set a goal to make it more interesting to work on, and not the least achieve it. The first thing you can think about is the size of the goal. Is the goal to big to do in one go, in other words, is the goal to big a change to do it all in one step. Maybe we need to reduce it into smaller parts.

Sometimes this helps the motivation to get started. Other times it can be the goal does not create the motivation we like. Even we know we should do it, we just do not want to do it. Sometimes we just have to admit that the world was not meant to be fair, get used to it, and do it anyway. After all, we are adults, and adults do what is best for them.

Now, we will look at a time when I did have to work on my goal, to make it more achievable. It is a bit of stretch to a time when I was successful in network marketing, and nearly did stop completely due to not having learned enough about setting goals.

My experience about rearranging a goal

Let us start at the beginning. I had just moved to Australia, and to start off, I was invited to join a Network Marketing company, nearly as soon as I arrived in Australia. It was a great way to meet friends, and it was a great business. It had very good products, and it had a bunch of great people, and everything seemed perfect.

However, I had just qualified to go 9%, that was called Leader’s Club, so I had just qualified to be a Leader, and in that club there was much talk about qualifying to become Direct, that meant that I would have to dobbel my business 10 times. In other words, right now I was at 900 points in my business, and I needed to do 9 000 points per month, to reach this goal.

The day I was convinced by my friend that introduced me to set this goal myself, I was told by him, that this was the main goal to reach after I had passed the level I was at now. The other levels just meant a few extra dollars, but this level was so important. I did not understand what it meant, and I did not understand what it would entail to reach this point, but I took my friend’s advice, and accepted that this was where I wanted to go next.

If you read the words above, you can see, that the goal I set, was not set by me. It was sort of forced upon me. In addition, the gap between where I was and the place I needed to go to reach this goal, was huge. There is the problem. I was given the goal by my friend that pushed me to set a goal I did not yet know what meant, and I was starting to work towards this goal without knowing there was anything wrong.

After a month I had achieved a few hundred points more, but the goal I had was way beyond this, I started to feel like a failure, and I little by little I started to feel like a failure, even I had never had so much success before. I started to feel like I could not reach this goal ever. This made me withdraw from the meetings and from my business friends. I felt more and more like I could not show my face there until I was an achiever, which would mean that I needed to achieve my goal, and become the person they wanted me to be.

That meant that I would need to stay away from them for a long time, I could not see how I would achieve this goal within the next few months, yes, maybe not even within the next year. I withdrew totally from the group, and luckily one of my friend’s friend, called me up and talked to me, and asked me why I did not come to the meetings anymore.

In trying to hide the real reason I tried to tell him that I had been busy, the meetings was at a time when I had worked overtime at work, and that I was going to come at a set date for a meeting. When I did not show up for that meeting, this person, came to my house, and talked to me. You can say he talked some sense into me that night.

Luckily, he came, because he understood what was going on. The goal I had set, made me feel unmotivated to do the business, my qualification this month had dropped 400 points, and I had not done what I normally did every month myself. Due to this lack of motivation towards the whole thing, that I felt.

When we talked he told me that my friend had been very pushy, and that he now had left the business because he did not get the results he wanted, and asked me what he had set for a goal for me, and I told him, that he had asked me to achieve the 9 000 point goal. He was extremely upset. He went through everything with me, and we talked a long time, and he apologized for his friend’s behavior toward me, before he tried to ask me if I liked the business. I said as true was that I was impressed by the products, and I had been very motivated to achieve Leader’s Club, when I was working towards that, but when he forced me to set that big goal, I had totally lost interest, after understanding the size of the task at hand, that big goal. He nodded in understanding, and told me that he fully understood what I was going thru.

That night, we talked together for 14 hours, in fact, I went straight to work the next morning, without sleep, but I went with new motivation towards this business, I walked with new confidence, all due to him helping me to see what was wrong with this kind of goal setting. I had never learned much about goal setting before this. So I had taken my friends advice as the rule for how one did it. Thankfully, this other friend, could set me straight.

We redefined my goal, to a point of achieving 900 points again next month, and then trying to work towards the next goal as 1 200 points. Instead of 9 000 points. The goal of 9 000 points became a long term goal, and I set a short term goal of managing 900 points again this month and doing 900 points every month, but trying to set a medium term goal of achieving 1 200 points.

This framework of goal setting was totally different to what I had met before. He also showed me how to set other goals. The fact that one grow as a person before one grow in a business. There was so much more I needed to learn at that time, that I did not know that I did not know.

It went well, 2 years later, I achieved 9 000 points. Unfortunately, the month after, I was to move to New Zealand, and since I no longer lived in Australia, my whole business had to stop, unless I could qualify for 9 000 points business in New Zealand. Hurray, that made me feel upset, probably I was angry and a bit regretting the decision to move to Auckland. However, I do no longer regret the whole thing, I see it as a learning activity. I should have checked out things before I chose to move to New Zealand, but since I did not, I just had to take it.

Still to this day, I love MLM and it is a business type I feel that there is room for improvement in. I mean, why should there be any difference which country you live in? But besides that, I feel MLM is the best type of business anyone can start to learn to do business in. There are a few companies that are not as good as others, but are there only perfect companies in other industries? I do not think so. There are many companies that do not manage to do the right things, and they disappear, no matter which industry you are in.

I have some advice for people that want to go into business in MLM, check out the policies on creating income. Do the company focus all its papers on you sponsoring people or does it focus on getting customers, it is not enough to read the written words. You must see and feel the culture in the company after you have started. I have a perfect solution for you, a company that are totally focused on getting customers, that use the products over and over again. If you are interested in earning money, and doing it with a great company, with the right morals, you can email me here. It is free to join, it gives you all you need to get started free, our team even have all the training you need to get started organized for free. Get in touch and we will start working together.

The end of the story today

There is a lesson in all this; I had to learn to set proper goals, not ones that killed my motivation, and that is what ¨shoulds¨ do to. One will lose all motivation to work towards something if one do not set appropiate goals. What that is, is different for all. We are all different. We are all achieving things in our own speed. Some have to learn things before they can move on, others are having the knowledge, but did not put it together in the right order, and others are ready to run, as fast as they get the opportunity too.

One should never compare oneself to others, one should always remember that there could be situations that are different, some obvious and some hidden, this is the reason why some can do something in 2 weeks while others can use a year to achieve the same. One must remember that we all come with different backgrounds, with different knowledge and there are not two equal people in the world.

Therefore; remember, we are all responsible for our own actions, or at least if we want to call ourselves adults. We must remember to only work on ourselves, and not compare ourselves to others. Set your goals, work your goals, enjoy the achievement process as much as the achievement, and when you achieve the goal, celebrate it. Put aside the ¨shoulds¨, find out if you want to achieve it, and if not, put it away, if you want to achieve it, then redefine it, maybe do like I did, and make the goals proper for you, maybe just be redefining them, or by stating them a different way, and maybe all that is needed is, to make the reward bigger.

Till next week, with next tip, enjoy removing those ¨shoulds¨ that has been breaking you down, and get on with achieving your real goals, the one that you really want to achieve.

Enjoy, till next week have fun, work hard, focus on yourself and your goals,

All the best,
John

How to Help yourself, step 3

Hi All,

It is so fun to be able to bring you this great hints to improve your life. Have you read the previous 2 posts in this series? If not, I will give you a little hint about what they where about. Step 1 was about removing things from your life that annoyed you and Step 2 was about stopping your addictions. You can read Step 1 here, and Step 2 here, they will open in new windows so you do not have to use your back button to come back and read this weeks new post. I hope you enjoy these blogs, and would like to subscribe to my blog, so you get a notice every time I send out a new blog, you can subscribe in the form at the right side on a computer, and might be at the bottom on a mobile phone. The form added in the post do not work, so I have had to take it away, I am sorry.

So, now you have caught up with Step 1 and Step 2, and are ready to go to step 3. We are today going to give you an advice on adding a list of 10 habits you want to create in your life. These habits should be good habits. When we say good we mean 10 things you love to do. Sometimes there can be some habits you should do also, but it is much easier to change the habits if you love to do them, or most of them.

10 habits that you are going to change can be a bit much to do all at once, so it might be easier if you add some things you can do easily, while the habits you need to change, should be added one by one, or at least, worked on one by one.

Why is it good to work on good habits? When you are going to change a habit, it is important to change the habit from something bad or not so good, to something good. Many people think they are just going to stop a habit. However, it is much easier to alter a habit if you change it from something bad to something good, than it is to just quit something.

As you see, many people think of stopping smoking these days. The problem is that this create is that you have a large amount of time that you do not know what to do anything in. Therefore you need to plan not just to stop the habit, but also what you should do instead. For example, you can plan what you will do instead of taking the breaks with a cigarette, by doing something else instead of smoking, you can relax with a good book or watching a YouTube video or some other material that can give you a relaxation from what you are doing in your job or when you are home and need to have a break.

As you see, this list of habits to be altered can be a mix of bad habits that you need to change and new habits you would like to see implemented. It is therefore important to remind you that it is in a period to implement them one by one, if implementation of them all at once would be too much, and this is fine.

My experience with this step

In the process of reading this tip, I was trying to implement a few things I can talk about. Some was a bit personal and I think they can remain that way. I included a habit of walking every day, and even if the walk is not always that long. I have manged to add this to my daily habits. My walks are not a set route every day, but I have been out walking every day, sometimes to do chores, and sometimes just to walk to get out of the house and get fresh air.

It creates a good feeling just to get out of the house, because due to the corona virus I am spending too much time in my house. The walk is about the only time I am out of my house. There is no other place to go, the places I went to before the corona virus closed down as soon as the message came thru that it was recommended by the council that these places closed down, so I sort of had nowhere else to go either, so I sort of had to add a walk to my daily routine to get out of the house and get some fresh air.

In addition, this walk out of the house also refreshed my head, as I was using most of the time at home to study. I am involved in a few courses where I study, and I can sit all day to do the courses, but I do need to take some time out of my studies and get some fresh air and I thereby get a break in my study and get some fresh air all at once from this habit of going for a walk. This walk and the fresh air showed up to be good for my studies, too, this because I became more alert and my brain could pick up more information from the studying too. So even if I lost time from the study, I gained time in my study, because I did not need to see the videos twice to pick up all the information that I should learn from it.

So, all in all, the experience has been good. It has been good in many ways. It was good for the study that I do every day, but also it created a time of the day, where me and my fiance could walk and talk together, which we did not have when I was sitting in my room studying all day. Therefore these habits that improve on your life can create benefits you have not even thought about in advance. Now I think of this time taken out of my studies as a win-win situation. I highly recommend following step 3 and creating a list of 10 habits you want to change.

It is not necessary to implement them all at once, but once you have implemented them, you can strike them of the list, and add other good habits to the list. I am sure we all can think of many good habits we should implement to be better humans, to feel better in life, and to be better friends and family members.

Enjoy your day, enjoy your life, contact me if you like more advice, and be ready for the next blog next week. Usually the blog is out Sunday or Monday every week, today I am a bit late, because the weather has been so great today.

If you have sunshine like we have here, enjoy the weather, and take care of yourself too.

Have a great week everyone, I wish you all the best.

Greetings
John

How to help yourself, step 2

Hi All,

Thanks for following my blog. It is my honor to present you these steps to help yourself, and to be able to show you the way to become a better you. That is after all what life is about, is it not?

Last time we looked at getting rid of things that drained our energy, this time, we shall look at another thing that take away our self-control. Namely addictions. You may think I am going to talk solely of addictions to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, but no, there are addictions of other things that are even more common, even some that we may not think of as very damaging. Like the addiction to coffee, chocolate, comfort food, and sugar.

And yes, these are no better than addictions to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, believe it or not, any addiction we have, even some we do not think of as addictions, are taking away our self-determination and undermining our confidence in ourselves. So it is a serious matter. The book I am getting the points from have even said it like this; before you can knock your addictions you are not ready to go to a life coach for coaching, and this because you are unable to control yourself completely.

In this book the author wrote about her addiction to coffee. She never thought of the one cup of coffee she had every morning as an addiction, and would tend to agree that that is not an addiction, but she goes on to tell about the effect of not having that coffee, and that is mind boggling to hear that she had such bad withdrawal symptoms when she quit drinking this coffee, that it proved to have been an addiction.

This proves that we may have addictions we do not even think of as addictions in life. There are many that can be addicted to stuff that they do not think is an addiction. One friend of mine thought of his marijuana smoking as something he could do every day without getting addicted. However, the problem of his addiction was that the argument went like this; I am not addicted because I can quit when I want to, but I do not want to stop it, because I enjoy it. Some have might heard other people say something similar about different addictions.

We can be addicted to many things like coffee, sugar, chocolate, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, and complaining. It is things we do not always think of as an addiction, however, when they take control over you, and you get symptoms of needing to have it when you do not get it, it is by definition an addiction. It is scary to think what this does to your brain.

In research they have found that the brain is effected by the addiction, and learn to crave the things we eat, drink or do. It removes our control over ourselves. This is serious. It means we do not have full control over ourselves. The book author even define the addictions as being so bad for us that we are not ready for going to a coach before we have managed to take back the full power over our brain and over our addictions. I think some addictions can be solved with a coach, but I see the point of the author, due to not having full control our oneself, you might not be able to execute the plan the coach will put up for you.

Though most of us have some addictions, it is important to remember in the process of going to remove them, that not succeeding is just a step on the journey to managing to rid yourself of the addiction. It is important to work on them one by one. It is suggested that you write them all down and get rid of them one by one, if you do not yet succeed, do not beat yourself up, you just need another, new plan for how to manage it. It is like coaching. If one plan do not work to your satisfaction, we try another plan. You often have many different options in trying to quit something.

How to do this step: Getting rid of addictions

We are now going to look at how you should get rid of addictions. The first step is to become aware that you have an addiction. This is not always as easy to see as you think. It can be that the brain fool you into thinking that something is not an addiction, while it is something you need to have to feel good. Remember the wise words, your brain do not need anything to feel good. It will feel good when you decide to feel good.

Step 2, is listing all your addictions on a list, then, we will start to remove them one by one, one important part here is, one by one. Do not try to change too much at one time. This is important, it is something your brain needs. There is time for change, but getting rid of all bad habits all at once is too much to take, and so you are most likely to fail all of it, if you take on too much at one time.

Step 3, is crossing of the list when you have succeeded, here it is also time for a celebration. Such a great deal as quitting an addiction needs to be celebrated. It is an achievement, showing that you can do it. You are strong, maybe even stronger than you thought before you began. Have you ever thought of the memories where you did succeed in something? How do you feel when you think of them? I am sure you, as I, feel like a winner, just in that moment when you succeeded. In NLP, we learn to use such moments for all it is worth to prove to ourselves that we can. We can do it. All humans are GREAT MIRACLES. Some of us just have not noticed it themselves yet.

My own experience with addictions

In my days I have discovered that I have many addictions. I was addicted to drinking coffee, I was addicted to sugar and especially chocolate and lollies, I was addicted to cigarettes, I was addicted to feeling sad for myself , yes even I was addicted to some things I do not even want to mention by name.

Now I will try to tell you that I am so lucky that I have succeeded not being addicted to anything any longer. BUT; I cannot say that. In 2003 I was told by my doctor that I have developed diabetes type 2, and that I therefore had to stop eaten lollies and sugary things. That became a problem. I could not stop eating a chocolate every day. So I tried to stop having all sorts of things that had chocolate taste. I could not have chocolate milk shakes, because it aroused in me a need to eat a chocolate, a real one, not just the tast of it.

So, you can see, it is not that some can do it and some can not. We all have our own parts that we are struggling with. Other things I have tried to quit has been just as hopeless to stop. I have now gathered new faith in the fact that I should manage, and have made plans to stop all of my addictions.

However, to finish of on a positive note, I was addicted to coffee for a very long time. I remember I was travelling from home every morning at 5 am, and coming to the work place about 7.30 am. My work did not start until 9 am, and so I usually met with some of my friends at a coffee bar and sat there from 7.30 am to 8.45 am, drinking 3-4 different large Starbucks coffee every morning. I never thought of being addicted to coffee, but I must admit in hindsight that at that time I was addicted to it. When I started studying for teachers college I could no longer afford to drink that much coffee in a coffee shop, but I drank coffee from the cheap student bar in the University instead. When I came home to Norway, I then started a process to stop drinking coffee, by drinking tea for a month, then I went from normal tea over to herbal tea, and that way, I managed to stop my cravings for coffee. So I have managed one addiction, which mean I can manage all other addictions, too. So let us all start step 1, writing them all up on a list of addictions, and work on one after the other, then the task will not seem so large, and remember if you manage to win over one addiction, you will be able to win them all. Good JOB. Enjoy a life without addictions you too.

Have a great week, and enjoy a life free of addictions soon

All the best to you
John

How to help yourself, the series Step 1, Week 1

Hi All,

It is great to see you back this week, last week we started a serie, or should I rather state, we laid the foundation for a new series, it is a number of steps you can take, in order to improve your life, that I will go through, in order to help people that read my blog, and that see my post on Facebook and Twitter.

I am happy to share this material with you, as I am happy to give content to people, so that they can handle these steps on their own. I read today that there is a clear connection between happiness and having a goal or dream to achieve ahead of you. If you have such a dream or goal ahead of you, to achieve, and do not know where to begin, or where to get going, you can follow this series till the end, and you will have a great way to solve many of the steps along the way.

To Follow the Blog, you can SUBSCRIBE HERE IN THIS FORM:

It will be sent out warnings when the new blog posts are written from the mailing list that is created here.

So to todays little hint:
WRITE A LIST OF ALL THINGS THAT ANNOYS YOU

That is correct, it is important point to start to create a better life. To write down every little or big thing that you are feeling that do not do something great for you. It can be a list of about 100 things, and it might not be that easy to start off. This because, when you have settled for them for a while, you become numb to them.

So point number 1, is to write down the list, in the book I read, the author states that it is important to write it down, that be whether you think you can do something about it or not. These small or big things drain your energy, and makes you not have the energy to do the things you dream of, and it is therefore a very important point to start of with.

My experience

I tried this when I first read this tip, and I must eagerly tell you all, that it had the most incredible effect on me. I could not stand a few things that happened around me. So I wrote them down, not knowing how I could deal with them, but new 3 months later, most of the points has no longer any draining effect on my energy. It is incredible how this has worked.

I find that I am feeling better with myself, better in my relationship with both my partner, my friends and the world in general. I have not noticed many of the changes, they have happened a lot by themselves, or so I would say. I think, what really happens is that the subconscious mind are working on me being aware of the things that drain my energy, and do not let them in. In other words, I have created another habit around these things.

I have a few points left, approximately 20 of them are still there, but some of them are big ones, like me getting healthier, and I am working on them, the reason this annoys me, is that I am unable to do what I want. Taking so many medications as I do now, is one area that I hope I will be able to stripe off my list eventually. So please, listen.

Just, follow this advice, write this list, even if you do not work on them much, there will happen a shift. There will be somethings out of your head that no longer drain your energy. This will lead to more energy to do what you want to do, and this will create more happiness, more energy and more time to start pulling towards your goals and dream.

Good working with you, keep going and have more fun, more energy, more up and go. To you all, till next week, enjoy life, and live it to the fullest.

Greetings to you all
John